Keep Your Hands to Yourself

my body is private

Basic message evades MRA’s

There’s two high profile media knockouts in the last week involving males who can’t keep their hands to themselves. One is the case of a 6 year old boy Hunter Yelton and 17 year old adult high school student Sam McNair. Both of them invaded the spaces of females and touched them without consent.

However, when the stories first appeared in the media they were spun to make it look like these 2 males were just innocent kissers and huggers. With time it came out that both boys had been told to stop their behaviour prior and they disobeyed.

I hope I can put this into perspective so people can grasp this concept because on the comment sections of the various sources I see people making outrageous claims that this is ‘nothing’ and that ‘boys will be boys’ and so on.

This is also the case in the Manosphere. Dean Esmay of A Voice for Men said in a Google Hangout with Paul Elam and Tara Palmatier that he wanted to title the hangout ‘Bitches Be Crazy, Yo.’  I wonder how these men would feel if women could come up to them at any time and just knee them in the groin?  Wait, let’s change that. I wonder how these heterosexual men would feel if random gay men groped them whenever they liked?

Tara Palmatier implied that the mother of the 6 year old, Jade Masters-Ownbey, was a stripper and ‘cheap’ and that she’s passing on a ‘rape fantasy to her daughter.’ Paul Elam said that he ‘wasn’t surprised the school came up with a story that the little girl didn’t like it’. She’s supposed to like it, right Paul?

The 6 year old girl who’s being subjected to unwarranted touching and kissing now feels awkward in class. She limits where she goes and what she does in order to avoid Hunter, who keeps sneaking up on her and kissing her. Does this remind anyone of anything? I know many grown women who have to change their route to work because of street harassment, which I call ‘verbal assault.’ There’s also the women in Japan who are groped constantly on the bullet trains. We women are always having to change our schedules, our lives, because males won’t leave us alone.

In the case of the 17 year old, we have a video-tape of him coming up behind his teacher, putting both arms around her in a lock and burying his face in her neck. She pushes him away. The MRA’s are saying this is just a hug; it’s harmless. Or they are saying ‘it’s better than bullying!’ This is a perfect example of the small mindedness of MRA’s. They immediately break it down to an ‘either/or’ case. There is literally no context involved. Bullying is wrong and hugging and kissing is good.

I think the parents of these males are obviously not doing their job. One interesting point is that I don’t see fathers in either of these males’ lives. Usually MRA’s demonize single mothers but not in this case. In this case it’s the mother and family members of the little girl they chose to go after. Paul Elam called the little girl’s Aunt a ‘cunt’. So I suppose when the male child isn’t learning about boundaries and gets in trouble for kisses and hugs with random females and the mother defends it, it’s all ok? According to Paul Elam:

‘The fact is that mothers are more dangerous than fathers where it concerns children. They always have been.’

So where’s the outrage at these two single moms? Let’s not pretend that MRA’s are actually consistent with the misogyny they dish out.  The little girl’s mom Jade has a much better grasp of this situation than any of the boys’ mother’s do. The school system has literally had to parent these two male students because their mom’s aren’t doing it.

MRA’s aren’t helping either. In one of their Google Hangouts their inconsistency reared its’ ugly head again. This time it was Dean Esmay who first said that both the males weren’t behaving sexually and then said that, in these two cases, feminists are ‘demonizing male sexuality.’ This was echoed by all in the room.  So which is it?

In Hunter’s case it is sexual mimicking. He sees it in the media. He watches women and men in his environment. Later in his development he will realize that this is sexual behaviour. The 17 year old, Sam, absolutely knows this is intimate sexual behaviour that he shrugged off with some nonsense about his family being ‘huggers.’ In both cases, if nothing is done, these two males will think it’s normal to touch random women without consent.

Dean Esmay even suggested sex-segregated schools. He said that women can’t handle being around male sexuality and shouldn’t be in jobs like teaching. When in doubt, MRA’s always go backwards to traditionalism. MRA’s don’t comprehend this but they are actually suggesting that males cannot control themselves, that males are incapable of following simple school instructions like ‘no inappropriate touching.’ Do we have to make this message clearer for males?

The public is having its’ say in these two cases . In the case of the 6 year old boy he was initially suspended and his school record noted ‘sexual harassment.’ The outcry led the school to change the record to ‘harassment’ and school officials had a nice sit-down with Hunter’s mom. As for the 17 year old, the public is angry over his 1 year suspension that will push his graduation to next year and possibly eliminate a scholarship which he thinks he will get. He can appeal the decision so we haven’t heard the last of it yet.

MRA’s complain that we live in a feminist society that demonizes men. The word that’s been missing on their mouths is ‘consent.’ They’re too busy calling women ‘cunts’ and suggesting that segregation is the answer. This won’t teach our youngsters anything. It’s running away from the problem we’ve had throughout our patriarchal history. Women are not objects you get to fondle when you feel like it. We aren’t ‘begging to be raped’ as Paul Elam tells his audience.

Throughout this piece I’ve been thinking of a way to inform men what it’s like to be a woman who gets touched, hugged, and kissed without consent. I honestly don’t know how to do it except to reinstate the adage ‘keep your hands to yourself.’ The issue here is that you have to mean it and that means you have to suffer consequences if you don’t, especially when you’re young.


One thought on “Keep Your Hands to Yourself

  1. Pingback: The Malleus Maleficarum: Rape Culture Past and Present – Men’s Belief that Women Really Want It | The Wise Woman Speaks


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