I’ve had many women and men, but mostly women, ask me how I keep it together when dealing with MRA’s and the hatred they espouse. On my recent video about MGTOW’s (Men Going Their Own Way) I opened up about my thoughts on this particular subset of the Manosphere. I explained that these men were mostly just depressed and caught in negative thinking, like a self-fulfilling prophecy type thinking, and that they are just trying to get attention whether it be positive or negative. In other words, these guys are just expressing their depression and reaching out.
The MGTOW ‘movement’ isn’t really a movement. It’s just a collection of men that have incredibly negative thoughts about women. They swear off marriage, which isn’t a problem really. The problem is their ideas and reading their comments is like reading the most depressing, most pathetic droning ever. So how do I deal with it?
I think the key to keeping my wits is my experience. As I stated in my video I was clinically depressed at one point in my life where I was hospitalized for a few weeks. I went through my own cycle of negative thinking and I understand how powerful it is. It consumes you and I hope, like myself, that the men caught in this cycle will come to a point of crisis so they can finally get help.
This experience taught me how to deal with incredibly negative people and ideas. I developed what some would call a ‘thick skin.’ It’s not a think skin per se, it’s just that I found ways of coping with the intrusive negativity. I explained in my video that at the time of my hospitalization I was very into poetry and children’s Literature. Those things acted as an anchor to keep me tied to reality and to something good in life. I don’t know it that point reached these men but I put it out there. I also talked about maintaining relationships and how that is fundamental to a healthy mind.
So what do I do? Well, I surround myself with things that I love to do and I maintain relationships with a few people who are very close to me. You see, I don’t think not marrying is a problem. Many people forego it and manage to live healthy lives but they have to maintain relationships with others. I have been married and now am single. I have no plans either way to marry or not marry. I leave the possibility open.
I live a very contented life. I’ve told my best friend many times how content I am and she admits to me that she’s very jealous of this fact. I have so many outlets: painting, writing, origami, and crafts. I have my pet house mice. I have my few close relationships and of course I have my Jewish Temple. I live fully.
This is the key to dealing with the Manosphere. This isn’t to say that it never affects me. It does. I sometimes need to take breaks of a few days to a week or so sometimes where I just stay away from it. I won’t read a single word from the hate site A Voice for Men. I won’t use my RSS reader to find out what Manospherian’s are writing about in their blogs. I won’t watch a single MRA/MGTOW video. I temporarily shut the whole thing off. I know when I need to break and that’s another benefit gained by experience.
Basically, people have to find what gives them happiness and what keeps them living in the real world, not the faulty world of the Manosphere where women are evil incarnate.
It’s atrocious to see that two therapists, Paul Elam and Tara Palmatier, encourage men to rage and rage without ever suggesting that their thinking is inherently flawed. Now I don’t expect Paul Elam to give a shit about men. It’s quite clear he’s a charlatan as he was called by Charles Clymer. However, I did have a bit of faith in Tara Palmatier but as I’ve listened to her I’ve come to know that she benefits from keeping men in the negative thinking cycle. They both make money on men’s pain without ever attempting to help them. It’s the biggest scam I’ve seen online.
This is just how I manage. The bottom line here is staying grounded and happy. I’ve taken flights of fancy and while they serve a purpose you cannot live a healthy live there. These bumps are meant to teach us.
Seeing such sick men play out their depression and rage online is quite sad. It is. However, that’s the frame that it must be seen in. Sadness. The plain fact of it is that these men are being sucked in and drained of money, of their mind, yet there is always hope. That’s the experience I pass on. No matter how down you are you can always get help. Recognizing this just comes with experience.
Finally, I hope that any man who is reading this who’s a part of this ‘group’ immediately gets help in their communities. I know it’s difficult for men to admit they have a problem and need help but it’s something that must be done.
My biggest wish for the New Year is to never have to write another word on the hate group(s) that are the Manosphere. I would love to see men reclaiming their lives from the hands of Paul Elam and the rest of the charlatans that compose it.
Peace and Happy New Year 2014