While the male dominated MRA-rich gamer community does everything in its power to keep women from entering their ‘male space’ a female game designer, Zoe Quinn, was publicly sex shamed by her dating partner and gamer Eron Gjoni. Please, excuse me for this long post but this needs to be said.
I asked myself ‘Does this even fucking matter?’ ‘Do I care what he says?’ Of course not. All these lame-ass attempts to correct me on what he considers ‘facts’ doesn’t change this one bit and it’s just more mansplaining to justify the cruelty and violence he’s trying to enact on Zoe.
You see dude, I don’t care if she REALLY did sleep with other guys which I’m not taking from your mouth anyway. You’re playing victim here when you are the abusive asshole.
Oh and one more thing: if you are coming to this blog to ‘correct’ me on facts save it. This is how I think about HIM as a person after reading the shit he posted about her and his excuses for doing so. It’s not meant to be HIS story. It’s MY impressions of him after he posted HIS side of things and what I picked up from reading it as to his character.
If you come here to defend him you’ll get schooled. However, I’m really sick of people ‘correcting’ me based on their impressions because most likely, YOU don’t know him either. You make up stories too. The difference between you and I though is that I’m not taking his word for it nor am I interested.
Eron tweeted me again. CLICK TO ENLARGE
I don’t care what she did. She isn’t the problem here. It’s you. You’re the one who posted that crap, not her. This is another attempt to focus this back on her because he doesn’t like his just desserts.
What do you want me to say? That she’s the bad one? Tell me dude, what the hell did she do that in ANY way compares with a public misogynist lynching that will go on for years? Once you can answer that question honestly then there’s no point in talking to you.
I Eron Geek Dude Falls in Love With Zoe
We all know the stereotype of the male gamer. He’s a geek. He has no social graces and he idolizes one woman who he knows won’t marry him or see him exclusively but he keeps at it, persisting at every second, to get her. It’s a game that leaves the computer but unlike a computer game, has real consequences for women who attempt to enter this bastion of masculinity.
Ladies, meet Eron. He’s the dude that comes on way too strong and then expects marriage after a month. He’s insecure and immature. He likes to brag that women come on to him because he thinks that will make women like him more. It’s the biggest male faux pas coming right out of a PUA handbook.
He meets Zoe, a game designer who he falls for immediately. He tells her he loves her right away.He’s socially inept and frustrated. He’s dependent and desperate.
Once Eron has sex with Zoe, he wants to own her so he does all sorts of things to make that happen. He monitors her, follows her around, gets obsessed with her and never stops calling and messaging. He suffocates her. We’ve all experienced the clingy guy we wished like hell we never slept with because, with men, when they sleep with a woman and they’re immature and frustrated, they’ll do ANYTHING to form a relationship. These men don’t have a clear identity and lack boundaries. They lose themselves in women because they’re needy and dependent. They become a nasty second shadow that you can’t shake.
II Zoe: The Independent Woman In the Male Dominated Gaming World
Zoe is an intelligent woman who wants to establish herself in a male dominated subculture. Just being in that subculture does numbers on her psychologically. She’s probably hit on by men everywhere she goes. She gets cut off while she’s trying to talk seriously about her job. She’s probably completely overwhelmed by mansplainers and coerced sexually. Her career, she knows, is always overshadowed by men in power. The only way she can get anything done is by dealing with them, which becomes tiresome. Sometimes she gives in to the sulking dude who she knows won’t quit.
She’s a healthy, sexually active woman. She meets Eron and since he can really hold a conversation and seems grounded, she has intercourse with him and starts to date him.
The dating is casual. She knows there’s a chance Eron will become obsessed but, like many women, give him the benefit of the doubt. He suddenly wants to be with her in every moment and won’t leave her alone. She likes the company but it starts to get too much. He’s extremely judgmental and manipulative. She likes him but not that much.
She continues to have sex with him and taking his calls, albeit sending off hints that she doesn’t want to have a deep relationship with him because she doesn’t trust him. In fact, at one point she flat out tells him. Zoe hopes, like many women, that Eron will take her hints but he doesn’t because this guy doesn’t understand social cues, at all.
Now she has to try to let him down in a way that won’t cost her violence or a dramatic scene or both.
III The Break up and Fallout
Eron, the dependent manipulator, knows somewhere she doesn’t want him but because he is so immature and wants her at all costs he continues to latch onto her ankle like a dead weight. She doesn’t know how to let this guy down for fear of what might happen to her and there is a small part of her that kinda likes him so it’s a bit of a struggle. He gets even more desperate to do anything to keep up the illusion in his mind that they’re a couple. Our culture is full of geeky dudes who construct elaborate fantasies to themselves and male friends that the woman they dated once is head over heels in love with them.
Zoe continues sending hints as best she can while trying to focus on life and work. She has sexual encounters with other men like any normal healthy woman but she still has to deal with clinged peaches who just won’t take the hint. Eron knows she’s with other guys and not committed to him. After a period of time he finally admits to himself she’s been with other men even though they’re not exclusive and he begins the long drawn out game of trying to ‘catch her’ and get her to submit to him. This is what immature men do to save face and to enact a sort of violence against women in their punishing way for not giving him the relationship he thinks he’s entitled to. He wants to corner her, to have her submit and cry to assuage his ego. Then he can judge her.
He approaches her and half assedly confronts her with a barrage of questions. He’s got that look in his eyes that women who mistakenly sleep with dependent men know. She’s worried about him going off the deep end. She tells him, in as best way she can, one by one, the guys she dated while dating him. It’s awkward as he pushes her to explain in detail everything she did when she wasn’t in his presence.
The process takes days. She’s exhausted. He won’t let up.
Finally, he accepts that he’s not the ‘one’ and his self created fantasy is dead. He now thinks of ways to hurt her because he’s hurt. He doesn’t take responsibility for any of it and is ready to do what he does best: judge and claim victimhood. She must pay.
He takes to a blog to publicly shame her to the world.
IV The Blog Post
Eron, the jilted ex is so angry now that he decides to publicly shame her sexually by writing a large blog post where he whines as he explains every intimate detail. I felt strange reading it because it was so socially inept, so whiny, so manipulative and desperate all rolled into one. He knows this blog post will work to bring her harm because the gaming world is a male dominated and stringently patriarchal. It doesn’t cross his mind that he’s the one at fault here. HE must be the victim.
He even goes the lengths of protecting SOME of the men he thinks she slept with because of brofeelz. Apparently those few guys didn’t have sex with Zoe while they were ‘together.’ He pours out his immature heart onto a blog that he knows will have longstanding repercussions for her in this industry. What he fails to understand, at the time of writing, is that it also has repercussions for him. The endless post, is full of incredible detail whereby he analyzes and judges each and every move she made, each and every conversation they ever had. It’s frightening to read how wrapped up he was and out of touch with reality.
Not only does he display that he’s a dependent ‘nice guy’ creep but he also shows women who are trying to navigate that male dominated field what they’re in for if they get near him. It displays his ideas about women, as if she was his property and was ‘defiled’ by other men. He reproaches and names a few of the men he thinks she slept with but only because they allegedly were with her when they were a ‘couple’ and because ‘how dare those men sleep with a woman that ‘belonged’ to him!’ Women are seen as property in this subculture to be held up as trophies/objects for a guy desperate to prove his manhood instead of mutual human partners that have independent lives of their own.
I can tell while reading this multiple page blog post by Eron that he’s hurt but dammit dude, YOU have a serious problem. You played right into it and didn’t take the hint. You made a fantasy story in your head and because you lacked boundaries and a life of your own you lost yourself in your own false fantasy, in her.
Even after it was over he was STILL trying to check her every behaviour. It’s abuse. No two ways about it. Not only was he playing victim but he assumed the victimhood of her tens of thousands of online fans. He claimed he was judging her and exposing her for them when it was really about him. He did it that way so people wouldn’t think of him as vindictive. Too late pal. I’ve got your number.
You’re the stereotypical judgmental fixer who pours endless edicts at women that you think ‘helps’ them. This is how you try and control the environment. You’re the kind of guy women should NEVER get near.
It was a GAME to you dude. Instead of dealing with reality you got lost in a world you created, the one that Zoe wasn’t actually in.
V Aftermath: Addressing Eron
Eron, you’re making this worse and if you think she’s the one with the bigger problem you’re wrong. You’re showing other women that you’re not ever to be trusted to have any intimate time with. Coming out public with this highly personal situation was wrong and you know it but because your male ego was shattered, and by your own hand at that, you feel compelled to smear Zoe with everything you’ve got. Worse than that is you’re using ‘the community would care about this’ excuse to do it. I don’t believe for a second she didn’t give you hint after hint that you weren’t the ‘couple’ you imagined. You smothered her and then couldn’t understand why she was luke warm with you.
You kept telling her she was failing you in her dishonesty. Why would a guy who knows he’s being cheated on (assuming that’s true) go back and back and back? You claim you’re being super dude but that’s not why. You wanted to fix and monitor her. You wanted to make her to be the failure that victimized you time and time again so that YOU could play victim. You’re fucking sick dude.
Not only that but coming out with this, whether true or not, shows that women usually have to sleep with men to get somewhere in your industry. It alerts all women in these industries, or are attempting to get in, that they have a solid case for why they need to put their feet down and eliminate the boys club. It’s the classic double bind for women. If a woman is comfortable having sex with men as she sees fit she’s called a whore sleeping up the ladder while at the same time men want and REQUIRE women to do that in this industry. It’s a problem. A big one.
The boys-club is has to go. No amount of kicking and screaming about Anita Sarkeesian or Zoe Quinn is going to change that. This event lends credence to Anita’s ideas about games and how females are treated as ‘property’ to be won through successive attempts. It gives us a deeper understanding of male geek culture and how it works concerning women in the real world. I feel like I have to put in the obligatory ‘not all male gamers are like that’ but many of them are and Eron is the quintessential creepy nice guy every single woman dreads after having sex with them.
The MRA/gamer cross section picked up on this and continued to sexually shame and harass Zoe online where Eron left off. Page after page, endless rants, and videos are dedicated to analyzing her every move (which I won’t link). Her sexuality is being picked at with minute detail. It’s disgusting. They also accuse her of ruining the gaming community. We radfems here at mancheeze know exactly what’s going to happen from here. This woman will be vilified for years to come.
It never occurred to these dimwitted MRA’s that the wider problems are the toxicity of entitled dependent geek culture and masculinity in general. They viewed this as a chance to call her a whore and a cheat, displaying their own inadequacies, immaturity, and need to claim victimhood.
When the media picks up stories of women being targeted by these entitled males many people rally to the woman’s side. The woman gets blamed for that too. She’s called an attention whore and is accused of ‘damseling’ but who are the ones that really want the attention? The healthy woman trying to make a career or the depressed entitled male sitting behind a screen typing out woman hating screeds and masturbating to porn all day?
MRA’s claim they are victims of feminism and unsurprisingly they’re blaming feminism for Eron’s woes. I have no idea how feminism created this but feminism sure will fix it.
Remember what these men did to woman gamer Anita Sarkeesian for analyzing games through a feminist lens? They made a video game where you could batter her and still to this day she’s getting rape and death threats from them. A couple of MRA’s are making a film to put woman gamer Anita ‘in her place’ by asking for donations on Patreon. This is violence, online male violence. Luckily, in Zoe’s case, much of it is being taken offline but the harassment is just beginning.
A common theme in mens lives is how a man can GET sex from women as if it’s something you ‘work’ for or pay money for. Women aren’t seen as active participants and men call them ‘gatekeepers’ in order to claim oppression. Men also talk about sex as if it’s the only thing in the world they want. They define it as the only intimate act you can have with a woman. These men also have a term for their sexual frustration: ‘friendzoning.’ This term means a woman PUTS you in a friend space that you need to try and get out of if you can. It’s like a challenge to get out, a game. No never truly means no if you’re a guy in the friendzone. Men are accusing Zoe of friendzoning Eron as if being a friend is pure hell for males.
In fact, one of the main ideas in MRA circles is that men are oppressed by women’s bodies. This theory clearly shows how men think of women, as parts, as objects that then need to be controlled. It’s not surprising to me that 21 out of 24 objectives of a AVFM involve controlling women in some way, from ending rape shield laws to wanting to control her reproduction.
This aggrieved entitled group of men work to keep women out of these tech jobs through different ways. I had a guy tell me just yesterday to ‘get out’ of what he considers his gaming world. Remember too the professor at San Diego state I wrote about that said ‘math is male’ and who actively discriminated against women in STEM?
This latest behaviour from the MRA gaming culture shows how much men try to control women. The idea that Zoe is a grown woman capable of having intercourse with multiple dating partners is unthinkable to them. She must be blamed, not the patriarchal structures of misogyny. Feminism, and by extension women, must be blamed.
This is why my site is for women talk about all the ways in which patriarchy impacts their lives. We discuss how much men hate us. This is why this site is radical feminist. While I don’t want to alienate liberal/3rd wave feminists I can see why they’re not effective when it comes to this current backlash. Should we rally around Zoe and call her a proud slut or should we analyze and explain the systems of male power in which this event occurred in order to consciousness raise?
The focus of third wave feminists on individual consciousness divides up women. We need to get collective again. We need to take a strong stand and refuse to work within the system, which is what I see many 3rd wave feminists doing. If you want a good lecture on this see this video by Gail Dines. Only after we understand the system can we break it. I
And I want to break it.
NOTE TO MANSPLAINERS: You will be mocked if you post patriarchal bullshit on my site.