I went to a comment section over the weekend and had this exchange. Now it’s a bit long but worth the read. Excuse the formatting but it’s a copy/paste and such. I also will have filtering on so if some comments don’t go through right away it’s because I’m trying to keep MRA’s out as best as I can. Oh, and I’m ‘Joy’ in the comments and the dude is ‘Ancuwen.’ I updated it because the mansplainer returned and replied.
A couple of female commenters, Wendy and chiiill, have expressed they are happily in relationships with men. One of the things MRA’s and other male supremacists like to do is say feminists hate men. This is clearly not true. Andrea Dworkin, an amazing radical feminist, was married happily.
Granted there are some women, like myself, who for political and personal reasons will not have a sexual relationship with men but it’s NOT the only relationship you can have with a person.
I have male friends. They’re just very few and far between and I don’t see them sexually so it removes much of the problem. Men who can carry on a great friendship with me are far more valuable to ME.
I consciously choose to have sexual relationships strictly with women but there is ONE man who I did have a sexual relationship with and who I fell in love with.
This whole ‘manhater’ line is just a cop out projection that they use to woman hate.
“I consciously choose to have sexual relationships strictly with women”
You consciously choose? Erm… so rather than just never feeling attracted towards any man, you are sometimes attracted to a man but you consciously decide against following that attraction? That doesn’t appear very healthy to be perfectly honest
Isn’t it my choice who I have sex with? Or do I not have that right? Here’s where someone psychobabbles me that if I don’t follow an attraction, assuming I have an attraction to begin with, I must be sick!
This is where the conversation breaks down because someone just can’t understand that the personal is political. This is a staple feminist concept. I don’t have to sit here and justify my sexual choices but apparently, it’s just not right if a woman chooses not to have sexual relationships with men!
Please don’t get defensive. I didn’t say that you don’t have the right, I simply said that consciously deciding against your own feelings of attraction doesn’t appear very healthy.
So tell me how making a conscious choice to refrain from sex with men isn’t healthy. If you’re willing to diagnose me with being unhealthy you best be sure to explain to me, where your brilliant analysis comes from.
Show me how it’s unhealthy to choose not to have sex with males. Oh and also tell me how you ASSUME I am even attracted to men sexually? Please dude, explain.
“Show me how it’s unhealthy to choose not to have sex with males.” – Not the point, and it’s not at all what I said or even remotely implied. In my humble, gut-level opinion, it is unhealthy (as in: emotionally unsustainable) to make conscious decisions against one’s feelings.
“brilliant analysis” – There is really no need to get defensive. I was carefully phrasing the core point of my comment as a question to make doubly sure that I hadn’t just misunderstood your original post. Then I offered my own personal opinion, that is all.
Oh so if I have a feeling I want to murder someone I should just do it right because it’s emotionally desiring.
If I’m a diabetic I should just eat the candy cuz emotions!
Ah, I see. You pulled it from your ass. That makes sense.
You are part of the reason why I don’t have sex with males. You EXPECT women to be there for you sexually and when we DON’T show interest in fucking you immediately call us unhealthy.
If you ever truly have the feeling that you want to commit murder, you should seek professional help. If you feel like indiscriminately eating candy as a diabetic, you should seek professional help. If you feel like sleeping with a man, then there is nothing inherently wrong with that feeling.
Please re-read your own comment. You just equated your own desire to sleep with a man with the urge to commit murder or seriously harm yourself by ignoring a physical condition. Your comparison falls apart where your two examples carry inevitable negative consequences regardless of anything else, whereas sleeping with a man does not carry inevitable negative consequences.
“You are part of the reason why I don’t have sex with
males.” – Judging other men on the basis of our little exchange here is, well, not very healthy either. That’s a bit like getting a movie suggestion from a friend, not liking the movie, and subsequently never listening to any movie suggestions from any friend ever again. Let me make myself clear: When I say “not healthy” in this context, I mean “a bit silly”.
“You EXPECT women to be there for you sexually and when we DON’T show interest in fucking you immediately call us unhealthy. – That is not at all the case, and you have no basis for saying that. I’m actually the kind of guy who won’t take yes for an answer.
No. YOU said emotions drive us and we should always follow them. That’s why I gave you those examples.
Oh so because YOU don’t think there are negative consequences then there must be NO negative consequences! I’m glad you mansplained that to me or else I never would’ve thought about it.
Dude, you are the prime reason why I’m a feminist. You hide behind MRA’s who are just more openly misogynist but when a woman expresses no interest in fucking men, it’s a GOD DAMNED HEALTH CRISIS!
You’re actually the kind of guy who uses casual conversations on the internet to deflect and yet at the end you blame me for ‘not knowing you.’
Dude, I’m sure you’ll get plenty of upvotes for putting me in my unhealthy place where I don’t give teh menz sexy time. I know it bothers you so much that YOU are the one that HAD to comment to me and tell me I’m having a health crisis because ‘SHE DON’T FUCK MEN!’
Oh noes!1111 A woman who doesn’t fuck men. This is really bad. It warrants men coming to the rescue to tell me how damaged I am.
You’re a joke dude. If you have any inkling of feminism you’re surely not displaying it. ANd he’s going to continue to mansplain to me because wimminz don’t know their own self!
“YOU said emotions drive us and we should always follow them” – I never said anything of the sort. I simply offered my opinion that it is unhealthy to continuously consciously choose against one’s feelings.
“Oh so because YOU don’t think there are negative consequences then there must be NO negative consequences!” – Nope, not what I wrote. Does sleeping with men carry negative consequences inevitably, in every case, and by its very nature, like murder or ignoring your medical condition do?
“but when a woman expresses no interest in fucking men, it’s a GOD DAMNED HEALTH CRISIS!” – You wrote that you have the desire to sleep with men, if very rarely, but that you consciously decide against it on personal and political grounds. If you truly have no desire to sleep with a man, that’s another thing entirely and I would never judge anyone for their innate desires. What piqued my interest is that you clearly said that you consciously decide against your own feelings. That is what I personally would call “unhealthy”, as in: “a bit silly”.
“A woman who doesn’t fuck men.” – Don’t you see how your original post above begs the question of why you consciously opt against your own desire? That’s all I asked about. Don’t have sex with men if you don’t feel like it. But not having sex with someone you desire on political grounds, that, again, is a little bit silly. In my humble opinion.
I have more feminism in my left ballsack than you have in your entire screwed up exuse for a personality.
You’re no better than an MRA.
And the fact that you had a chance to learn something here was very potent and it went right over your head. You couldn’t just apologize and understand where you went wrong because no man anywhere will apologize for his privilege of being able to psychologically mansplain women for their own conscious choices and tell women they’re ‘doing it wrong.’
Listen dude, me not fucking men doesn’t beg any question. What it DOES do it show me who the entitled males are in the room. It shows me that women cannot self determine their own sexuality because some male thinks it’s ‘UNHEALTHY’ if we choose not to sleep with ANY man, NOT even YOU.
On Patriarchy and Privilege:
That’s what feminists call patriarchy. You know you’ll never sleep with me but if other men can’t well then, you have to make sure you shame me for not allowing men sexual access. You’re ensuring other men’s privilege to have my intimate sexuality even though I clearly said ‘NO Thanks.’
The fact you don’t think I should OWN my own body, that it HAS to be accessible by males sexually for my SELF to be healthy is the problem.
Then when someone points out to you that you’re the dipshit you get angry with them because dammit that woman on a comment section has to open her legs for men somehow!
Well I don’t, and I don’t need a lecture by a silly privileged male who thinks he’s all that putting down MRA’s when he’s the bigger problem because he’s more insidious, more covert about his privilege and misogyny.
Eat rocks dude.
“You’re no better than an MRA.” – Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing about you. If you were a guy, you’d be an MRA. That’s why you can never be an actual feminist. You are only interested in yourself, just like MRAs.
“On Mansplaining” – I had never heard that term before, I’m not big on internet jargon. So that’s one thing I learned. Interesting is that you appear to honestly have convinced yourself that I somehow owe you an apology, after your barrage of tirades and f-bombs and making things up which I never said and tons of insults which you pulled out of thin air. The chance to learn is yours, and so far you have squandered it miserably.
“Listen dude, me not fucking men doesn’t beg any question.” – Why the coarse language all the time? Oh, sorry, there I go again, being a person giving honest feedback to others. How evil of me. Anyway, yes it does. You said that you don’t have sex with men, which in and of itself is perfectly fine by me (I’m feeling generous). What piqued my curiosity is that you said that you’re not avoiding sex with men simply because you’re not into men, but that you consciously decide against it. That’s where I have questions, like: Why? And if you don’t feel like discussing these questions, you could have just said that. Or, you know, you could have just never mentioned the details of your private life that you don’t wish to be discussed. Just a thought.
“you have to make sure you shame me for not allowing men sexual access” – I am close friends with several lesbian women, most of whom have never had sex with a man. Those of them who share my particular brand of humor know how to take it when I’m teasing them about it, just like my humor-capable male gay friends know how to take it when I tease them about never having sex with women. It’s all in friendly spirit, and those who don’t like humor are not my friends. So, where and how exactly am I “shaming” you? By being curious about a detail of your life which you gratuitously mentioned on the internet?
“The fact you don’t think I should OWN my own body, that it HAS to be accessible by males sexually for my SELF to be healthy is the problem.” – Exactly! And since I never even remotely implied any of that, and all of it is taking place exclusively inside your own head, that means the problem is located inside your head.