Male Guard Sexually Harasses Me: I Make Sure He Gets Fired

In my personal life I’ve had to file a report against a male security guard who works in my building. It’s been a harrowing experience and I feel like sharing it.

A bit of background: The security guards who work at my building are usually very nice. They work very closely with tenants like me who are disabled. The company that owns my building is very woman-centered and owns several female-only buildings in Vancouver although I live in a co-ed. The guards they hire are usually skilled and are quite nice to tenants.

In the many years I’ve lived in this building I’ve never had a single problem with any of the guards, men included. However, over the summer one of the newer male guards that works here befriended me, as most of the guards normally do. He was a new guard so he made attempts at getting to know me.

I had my reservations about him from day one as I do with all men. I never totally trust them because you never know when a male is going to push your boundaries or assault you. It turns out this guard had other plans and wasn’t being nice to me because it was just a part of his job.

He wanted to date me and kept making sexual advances which I flatly refused. I was surprised he’d even ask me such a question because guards are never allowed to have interpersonal/sexual relationships with any tenant.

I told him flat out ‘no.’ In his mind he entered the ‘friendzone’ and as usual men do anything to get out of it and instead of just being happy I’m his friend he wants more, and my ‘no’s’ meant nothing to him.

I often wonder, even though I know the answer, why men don’t understand the word ‘no.’ I intellectually understand why men disregard women’s ‘no’s’ but since I’m a human being that understands the word I can’t get myself to stop asking why other human beings don’t.

It’s astonishing isn’t it? We grow up as children understanding basic concepts like ‘no’ and yet grown men ignore it. Imagine what sort of cognitive impairment must be present in a man and it’s MRA’s who call women children. Projection at its finest.

So he kept trying and I kept refusing. It got to the point, very quickly, that I just stopped talking to him when he was on shift. I wouldn’t even look at him. You see, I had told him quite bluntly he better knock it off. But men, being stupid, think they’re entitled.

When I’d enter the building he wouldn’t immediately buzz me in and he’d try giving me my mail as a pretext to corner me and talk to me. This happened about 3 times. It was really starting to piss me off. I didn’t want to leave the building when he was working because it meant he’d try and stop me on my way back in.

So a few nights ago I was sitting here relaxing in my usual nocturnal pattern. It was 2am and I was watching a movie and folding origami. Someone knocked on my door.

At first I thought it was a mistake, that someone might be lost and mistakenly knocked on my door. I went to the door and didn’t open it. I said ‘what do you want!? in a shrill manner and I heard the male guard’s voice say something to me that I couldn’t quite make out. I did hear the word ‘package’ and assumed there was a box for me from the US that had been delivered earlier in the day. But I heard his voice. I refused to answer the door, went back to bed, and waited for his shadow to slink away from the light under the door.

About 10 minutes later I saw a shadow under my door. I didn’t know if it was a person or an object but after staring for a few minutes it didn’t move. It was a package. I was frightened.

For the next couple hours or so I heard him creeping around on my floor. The reason I knew he was there is because the guards always carry a mobile phone that they use to buzz people into the building if they’re not at the front desk. I kept hearing the phone ring.

I blockaded my door with various things and eventually went to bed with that shadow under my door. This guy has a master key to all the suites. I was paranoid he would try entering since I refused to open the door.

The next morning the shadow under the door was gone. Someone had removed the package.

That night around 7pm another guard came to my door delivering my mail and this box. It is not standard protocol for guards to deliver mail to people’s doors. I usually get it on my way out or in to the building since the mail slots are in the main office. pI thought it strange to get this delivery.

He gave me a few letters and a large box with a sealed note attached. I opened the box and there was a bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream Sherry in there. A note was attached and sealed. It was from that male guard who had been sexually harassing me. He was trying to get me to open my door the night before with this ‘gift.’

I didn’t open the letter. I held the sherry and thought about returning it but that would mean I might have to see him and talk to him. I put the sherry in the fridge and tossed the sealed note aside. I still haven’t read it.

I sat down and my head raced. I thought my ‘no’ really meant ‘no.’ I was pissed that he violated me further by knocking on my door at 2am. I knew at that point that he would continue to press my boundaries if I didn’t put a stop to it. I just didn’t know exactly how.

Turns out this male guard went to other guards and begged them to deliver the box with the sherry inside and the note. He even put it in the official log book. This sealed his fate as now it’s properly logged that indeed a box was delivered by another guard at his request. What an idiot. His male privilege is so unconscious he actually put it in the fucking log book thinking that because he’s male, nobody will notice or question it. He thinks he can happily terrorize me within my own living space using the other guards to do it! I don’t fucking think so.

You see men, because of their male privilege, count on our silence. They intimidate and never take ‘no’ for an answer while they keep pressing our boundaries. Fuck, he even employed other to do this for him!

I decided this fucker is going to lose his job over this. Not only will he lose this job but he’ll have a very hard time getting another job in this industry. He’s fucked.

Was it worth it? I mean really? Thinking with your dick will get you in trouble but in men’s eyes they don’t often get in trouble because our society tolerates it. This is why men keep doing it.

I’m lucky I have the other female guard behind me. She also wrote a statement backing me up. When I met with her last night she said ‘I believe you.’

I told her everything. She encouraged me to report it and told me she was going to tell the property manager. She instructed me to write this all down and she’d deliver it to the property manager. I did exactly that.

I asked her what was going to happen after the note. She told me that this weekend the property manager will get the note and head office will be phoned immediately. The male guard will be put on suspension and an investigation will ensue. I will be interviewed early next week by phone and this guard will lose his job once I complete the interview.

I am still worried about potential backlash but the female guard assured me that he will be banned from entering the building.

Men need to learn what ‘no’ means. In this day and age it’s getting a bit easier for women to come forward when they’re being sexually harassed but it still isn’t great.

I’ve decided not to feel guilty about this asshole losing his job and his career. He did it to himself. If it wasn’t me it would’ve been another woman and hopefully now, there will never be another woman.

Maybe he’ll learn something. Then again he’s a bit older than I am and if he hasn’t learned by now I don’t know if he ever will.

I made the decision not to tolerate his behaviour, to make sure I’ve done my part so another woman doesn’t get sexually assaulted. I wouldn’t want this to happen to another woman.

I don’t feel safe in my own fucking home due to this asshole. In a couple days he’ll be suspended and I’ll feel better. Still, I can’t imagine why a man would do such stupid shit. It’s not like he doesn’t know this isn’t allowed. This is part of their training. I keep going over and over with that question in my mind.

Why? Why do something you know could get you ruined? It doesn’t make logical sense.

This will all be over soon. I’ll update if necessary.

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47 thoughts on “Male Guard Sexually Harasses Me: I Make Sure He Gets Fired

  1. HMQ, you did the only thing you could do and it sounds like you acted timely, too. I think this crosses the line from just harassment to stalking, though. If you hadn’t nipped this in the bud, it might have gotten worse, he might have become more obsessive and more dangerous.

    The part that scares me the most is that the master key business. This is the main reason I wanted to buy instead of rent. I have some horrendous tales to tell about renting houses and apartments. It’s a toss of the dice and the odds are not in women’s favor because of the proliferation of creepy landlords.

    I find that it isn’t just, “No,” that they don’t understand, they don’t understand anything women say. Here’s my theory based on observation. You speak to a man to say something like, “I have an appointment,” or “I don’t want you to do this specific thing right here to me.” The man notices that you are speaking to him. He looks right, straight at you. You know he, at least, sees your lips moving. You see a strange flash in his eyes or a momentary dilation of the pupils, which signals that the oxygen has just left his brain and traveled down to his ween-ween. He now has very little oxygen in his brain and a growing trouser tent. Whatever you said to him be it, “No,” or anything else just hit a brick wall of severe oxygen deprivation in his brain.

    It happens to me frequently and I swear I can literally see the man’s brain shut down for lack of oxygen. Sometimes I see them struggling to maintain some oxygen. It’s always very scary.

    It is so nice to even read those words, “I believe you.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before when attempting to report something like this to anyone. That’s amazing!

    • Thanks rhyminglady. I know I did what I had to do and even if it causes me mental grief I know I did the right thing for the next woman, and that it what gets me through it.

      I think it’s interesting, your theory about blood not being available for the brain. You could be quite right!

      It’s just one of those questions ‘Why does a grown man not understand the word ‘no?’ I’m telling you, that question bothers me the most!

  2. He really acted like an animal disregarding your attempts to communicate with him as if he had no brain and prowled around your door like an elephant in musth. I have to think, this is more biological than “masculine socialization” – just raw brainless preying on a woman. The only conclusion is that since words don’t work we have to use a combination of removing ourselves and removing them, and you were in defense of your home and had to report him or live in fear.

    I hope it goes smoothly. I have been dealing with — hahahaha! — the mailman! He displays this unhealthy interest, coming up to my door to personally deliver packages until I started locking my gate, and referring to my mail which he obviously scrutinizes, zooming up in his little truck when he sees me outside. He knows what I do for a living, what my bank is, my health plan, the checks I get each month, addresses of my family, and could so easily, if I don’t stay on pleasant terms with him, see to it that a few packages or letters go missing…Just like your situation, when you think about it, these men who are apparently there to “help” you as a result learn too much about you and get too close in their own circuitous ways. They have all sorts of power and are unavoidable. The mailman is a smart guy in his way and stays just this side of the line of being slightly threatening, overly friendly and personal, so I would look like I was a kook if I tried to explain to his superiors what was going on. I’d be easy to laugh off and easy to retaliate against. It’s such a common story — I’m sure we all have lots of them.

    • V.,

      I had a totally hostile mailman who did not deliver my mail – not just MY mail, of course, but this whole area, which is apparently at the end of his rural mail route. (This guy is worse than the mailman in “Funny Farm,” – at least, he delivered the mail, even if he was totally drunk and dangerous by the time he got to the end of his route and just threw it out the window.) I ended up having to get a private mail box a ways away outside the jurisdiction of his post master general who is a real jerk, too.

      Not getting mail is a big, big deal. He caused me a lot of trouble. I ripped my mailbox up and put in indefinite storage now I only receive mail at the private mailbox. Should I ever have trouble there, I’ll find another private mailbox. Problem solved.

      USPS is a nightmare, at least, in some places. It’s truly a horrible experience. I guess they’ve caught a few of them around here throwing mail in the ditch, but then they never exactly fire them, they just transfer them to another post office to wreak havoc on the lives of more unsuspecting citizens.

  3. My answer to the question, Why do men do these things knowing they could be fired?: They’re used to getting away with it. It’s that thing we call male self-entitlement or male privilege.

    Men get away with these kinds of behaviors for years and years. Only a handful are ever fired, censured or jailed for it.

    It sounds like he’s not going to get away with it this time. Sadly, it probably won’t be enough to deter him from doing it again. He’s a man. He’s king of the universe in his own mind and in this world of make-believe created by the male collective over thousands of years.

    This is probably another reason they don’t understand, “No,” or anything else a woman says to them – they are so caught up in their own fantasy world. “No,” from a woman is an intrusion from the real world, which they either ignore and do whatever they want, anyway, or they react to with aggression.

    • I like the way you describe the world of men’s make believe and then of course, reality.

      It’s a great metaphor for male power. They live in their fantasy land of privilege and so never have to live with rules that come from reality.

      I suppose this is why there are MRA’s. They are constantly in fantasy lands with video games and porn so when a woman even opens her mouth and they see her lips moving they’re ready to harm her because a woman speaking isn’t part of their fantasy world they live in.

      • I’ve only begun to think of it this way in the past couple of days, but let’s think about the subjects raised at your blog fairly recently, all of which revolve around men inventing their own worlds and then expecting women to go along with their fantasies.

        The following are just a few examples. I bet you can come up with a bunch more.

        The nuclear family structure, which a unit involving a man as slave master at the top of an imaginary hierarchy with women, children and the plantation workers arranged beneath him.

        Men’s gaming obsessions in which the construct fantasy worlds in which they abuse virtual women and both abuse and try to exclude actual women.

        Men’s social orders and military orders in which they are Grand Dragons and neophytes, generals and infantry, and all orders in between, in more of their imaginary hierarchies.

        They can steal women’s work, put their name on it and give themselves imaginary awards and prizes.

        en can be whatever they want to be and we must accept it. They can declare themselves to be women (or animals like the “furries” who have animal fetishes and claim to believe they are animals in men’s bodies) and we are expected to accept it and other men police us and enforce our acceptance of these imaginary worlds with abuse and threats.

        Men imagine all kinds of things about women that aren’t true and ascribe false characteristics to us a la The Malleus Maleficarum. These ideas become law, which they use against us.

        In fact, the law in its entirety is the fictional work of men. They just made a bunch of stuff up and we’re supposed to live with it – live by THEIR laws, which they wrote purposely to include themselves as sovereigns and us as chattel.

        In medicine, men imagine how they believe women’s bodies should work, then design their “science” around these absurd ideas. A prime example of this is obstetrics.

        Also, as Dominique Christina points out in her poem, men are divorced from the realities of life and death that all women know. I think this is one reason they can regard us as a set of orifices for them to stick their flesh-weapon in. Human life is literally a joke to them. They don’t respect our reproductive organs because they don’t understand life and death. They can do all these violent things to us and our children because they are in another world, divorced from the reality of supporting human life. They’re like dead things walking, divorced from nature, barely able to sense the world around them. In this regard, they truly live in an alternate reality, in which they are only partially aware of the world we live in.

        • I need to make a correction on something I said. I apologize for all the typos, too. I hope you can read my meaning well enough in between them all.

          I said the men who think they are animals in human bodies are “furries.” I don’t think this is correct. hey are “transpecies,” which is very similar to “transwoman.” Some of these people claim to have “species dysphoria,” which is similar to the “gender dysphoria” we learned something about here a few days ago. It, also, revolves around some kind of sex fetishes to do with animals and fancying themselves to be animals and so on. There are a lot of parallels to the transwoman thing – only difference is they probably don’t go to the zoo and demand that the monkeys and elephants let them into their cages because they really, really are just like them, with a similar life experience and similar oppression by the zoo keepers.

          • This subject fascinates me.

            When you ask yourself why continually, why a grown adult can’t understand the word ‘no’ it grates on you.

            As you say, men aren’t even listening. ‘No’ isn’t a word in their vocabulary unless it comes from another man.

            It makes me wonder what socialization a boy undergoes in order that he doesn’t comprehend basic things.

            I do see many men on twitter saying rape is natural, as if men are indeed animals. This is a justification of their hatred of women.

            What’s hilarious is MRA’s think this way and it proceeds from that thought that men are indeed animals that can’t control themselves.

            When they argue also that women can somehow prevent rape it makes them look like lunatics because on the one hand men are bound by their animal nature to rape and yet on the other hand women are somehow able to tame them?

            Their arguments are so ridiculous as each time they open their mouths they contradict themselves.

            The whole trans thing is very simple to me. If you claim womanhood then you should be listening to, um, women who have been women their entire lives and by that I mean raised as women from birth.

            It seems to me some transppl want to keep their man card and then oppress women by calling us TERFS and cis, as if our oppression is somehow stemming from a different place.

            It’s not women who are attacking and murdering transwomen. it’s men. That very fact seems to elude them.

      • I believe the men who say that it is in men’s biological nature to rape. My own experience bears this fact out pretty well and when I compare it to the experiences of other women, this is the picture we get. I think it’s tied into why they can’t hear anything we say, especially, “No,” – but, anything we say is unheard until it is said to a man by another man.

        The male privileged infiltrators and agitators (trannies and the liberal men who support their aggressions against women) who imagine themselves to be women (who at best are surgically and chemically altered, although most just use their imagination and don’t go in for castration and surgeries), then complain when we point out that they are, in fact, just men are only doing what they always do – scapegoating women.

        Terms like TERF and CIS are hateful ways for men to scapegoat women for the harmful systems created by men and for the violence men commit against other men.

  4. It’s a pretty chilling story. Sociopaths like that know how to test your boundaries and when to start escalating their efforts. They are violent and may attack you at any time. I hope you’re safe.

        • You said: “Because pretending to be a feminist makes it easier for them to abuse or rape feminist women…”

          But, what you really meant was “us,” as in men like yourself.

          And, even when you admit this openly, women refuse to believe it and continue to defend you and take your side against the women you abuse.

          • Yes, yes, delightful. There’s one little flaw in your reasoning though… I’ve never claimed to be a feminist. Men can’t be feminist anyway. And I don’t participate to any real-life feminist groups or activities. So…

          • You have at various times in your less-than-laudable online career pretended to be both a feminist and a radical feminist. Google: It’s a really good search engine and you can find all kinds of interesting stuff with it.

            We are not real-life feminists here? What are we then – blow-up dolls?

          • I did a search. The seventh result was my “Men cannot be feminist” entry. I see nothing from me saying I am a feminist.

            Also, you are totally derailing a thread dedicated to HMQ’s harrowing and frightening experience of male entitlement for your personal vendetta against me. Way to be sensitive to violence against women, wotw.

          • No, trollboy, you are coming here with your male privilege, telling us dumb, helpless women all about male violence (because, of course, none of us have a lifetime a horrific personal experiences with that) and expecting us to suck your d#ck because you are an all-knowing male and nothing has really been said until YOU come in here and say it.

          • It’s an absolutely correct statement. You, a man, just tried to tell me – a woman and a lifetime victim of male abuse – that I’m the problem. You are an imposter, dude. You’re an actor and a bad actor, at that. You and your kind are the problem and it’s time we women start talking about that and stop taking this kind of abuse from men like you – online or anywhere else.

          • Dude, you’ve got years of electronic footprint as a testament to the contrary. So, there is no point in trying to cover it up. It can’t be covered up and neither can your misogyny.

          • Oh, what a sweetheart you are! Such a charming fellow!

            I’m sure other people reading this know how to use Google and look up your name alongside terms like “feminist” or “radical feminist” or “misogynist” and pull up some interesting commentary apparently made by you in online forums and some from other online sources, saved as screen caps on people’s blogs.

            I assure you, it’s nothing personal, dude. You are just one of a bunch of dudes whose behavior with regard to women and feminists, in particular, has captured my attention recently. It’s interesting because I find that I have no interest in going into men’s conversations about men’s problems and trying to monopolize or steer their conversations. But, men – sometimes men who claim to be women, sometimes men who claim to be feminists or feminist allies, and sometimes men who just pretend not to loathe and despise us – come here and try to add to the discussion. I notice that women often thank them for this intrusion because that’s how we’re conditioned to respond to men when they violate us in both small and large ways.

            So, rest assured it’s nothing especially personal, dude. I hate all men equally, however, I do have a special dark, cold, spot reserved in my black heart for hypocrites.

          • “I do have a special dark, cold, spot reserved in my black heart for hypocrites.”

            Such as people who claim to go after men who claim to be feminists, but instead go after men who have never claimed to be feminists? Okay, cool. You sure are a rad gal. Keep up the good work.

  5. From your experience, and those experiences that others have related here, women cannot be safe even in their homes. I find it particularly appalling that it was someone hired to keep you from being harassed who is the problem – who watches the watchers? I hope this “guard” has the wits to leave you alone after he is fired, and that you haven’t added another stalker to the list. Be safe.

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