In my personal life I’ve had to file a report against a male security guard who works in my building. It’s been a harrowing experience and I feel like sharing it.
A bit of background: The security guards who work at my building are usually very nice. They work very closely with tenants like me who are disabled. The company that owns my building is very woman-centered and owns several female-only buildings in Vancouver although I live in a co-ed. The guards they hire are usually skilled and are quite nice to tenants.
In the many years I’ve lived in this building I’ve never had a single problem with any of the guards, men included. However, over the summer one of the newer male guards that works here befriended me, as most of the guards normally do. He was a new guard so he made attempts at getting to know me.
I had my reservations about him from day one as I do with all men. I never totally trust them because you never know when a male is going to push your boundaries or assault you. It turns out this guard had other plans and wasn’t being nice to me because it was just a part of his job.
He wanted to date me and kept making sexual advances which I flatly refused. I was surprised he’d even ask me such a question because guards are never allowed to have interpersonal/sexual relationships with any tenant.
I told him flat out ‘no.’ In his mind he entered the ‘friendzone’ and as usual men do anything to get out of it and instead of just being happy I’m his friend he wants more, and my ‘no’s’ meant nothing to him.
I often wonder, even though I know the answer, why men don’t understand the word ‘no.’ I intellectually understand why men disregard women’s ‘no’s’ but since I’m a human being that understands the word I can’t get myself to stop asking why other human beings don’t.
It’s astonishing isn’t it? We grow up as children understanding basic concepts like ‘no’ and yet grown men ignore it. Imagine what sort of cognitive impairment must be present in a man and it’s MRA’s who call women children. Projection at its finest.
So he kept trying and I kept refusing. It got to the point, very quickly, that I just stopped talking to him when he was on shift. I wouldn’t even look at him. You see, I had told him quite bluntly he better knock it off. But men, being stupid, think they’re entitled.
When I’d enter the building he wouldn’t immediately buzz me in and he’d try giving me my mail as a pretext to corner me and talk to me. This happened about 3 times. It was really starting to piss me off. I didn’t want to leave the building when he was working because it meant he’d try and stop me on my way back in.
So a few nights ago I was sitting here relaxing in my usual nocturnal pattern. It was 2am and I was watching a movie and folding origami. Someone knocked on my door.
At first I thought it was a mistake, that someone might be lost and mistakenly knocked on my door. I went to the door and didn’t open it. I said ‘what do you want!? in a shrill manner and I heard the male guard’s voice say something to me that I couldn’t quite make out. I did hear the word ‘package’ and assumed there was a box for me from the US that had been delivered earlier in the day. But I heard his voice. I refused to answer the door, went back to bed, and waited for his shadow to slink away from the light under the door.
About 10 minutes later I saw a shadow under my door. I didn’t know if it was a person or an object but after staring for a few minutes it didn’t move. It was a package. I was frightened.
For the next couple hours or so I heard him creeping around on my floor. The reason I knew he was there is because the guards always carry a mobile phone that they use to buzz people into the building if they’re not at the front desk. I kept hearing the phone ring.
I blockaded my door with various things and eventually went to bed with that shadow under my door. This guy has a master key to all the suites. I was paranoid he would try entering since I refused to open the door.
The next morning the shadow under the door was gone. Someone had removed the package.
That night around 7pm another guard came to my door delivering my mail and this box. It is not standard protocol for guards to deliver mail to people’s doors. I usually get it on my way out or in to the building since the mail slots are in the main office. pI thought it strange to get this delivery.
He gave me a few letters and a large box with a sealed note attached. I opened the box and there was a bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream Sherry in there. A note was attached and sealed. It was from that male guard who had been sexually harassing me. He was trying to get me to open my door the night before with this ‘gift.’
I didn’t open the letter. I held the sherry and thought about returning it but that would mean I might have to see him and talk to him. I put the sherry in the fridge and tossed the sealed note aside. I still haven’t read it.
I sat down and my head raced. I thought my ‘no’ really meant ‘no.’ I was pissed that he violated me further by knocking on my door at 2am. I knew at that point that he would continue to press my boundaries if I didn’t put a stop to it. I just didn’t know exactly how.
Turns out this male guard went to other guards and begged them to deliver the box with the sherry inside and the note. He even put it in the official log book. This sealed his fate as now it’s properly logged that indeed a box was delivered by another guard at his request. What an idiot. His male privilege is so unconscious he actually put it in the fucking log book thinking that because he’s male, nobody will notice or question it. He thinks he can happily terrorize me within my own living space using the other guards to do it! I don’t fucking think so.
You see men, because of their male privilege, count on our silence. They intimidate and never take ‘no’ for an answer while they keep pressing our boundaries. Fuck, he even employed other to do this for him!
I decided this fucker is going to lose his job over this. Not only will he lose this job but he’ll have a very hard time getting another job in this industry. He’s fucked.
Was it worth it? I mean really? Thinking with your dick will get you in trouble but in men’s eyes they don’t often get in trouble because our society tolerates it. This is why men keep doing it.
I’m lucky I have the other female guard behind me. She also wrote a statement backing me up. When I met with her last night she said ‘I believe you.’
I told her everything. She encouraged me to report it and told me she was going to tell the property manager. She instructed me to write this all down and she’d deliver it to the property manager. I did exactly that.
I asked her what was going to happen after the note. She told me that this weekend the property manager will get the note and head office will be phoned immediately. The male guard will be put on suspension and an investigation will ensue. I will be interviewed early next week by phone and this guard will lose his job once I complete the interview.
I am still worried about potential backlash but the female guard assured me that he will be banned from entering the building.
Men need to learn what ‘no’ means. In this day and age it’s getting a bit easier for women to come forward when they’re being sexually harassed but it still isn’t great.
I’ve decided not to feel guilty about this asshole losing his job and his career. He did it to himself. If it wasn’t me it would’ve been another woman and hopefully now, there will never be another woman.
Maybe he’ll learn something. Then again he’s a bit older than I am and if he hasn’t learned by now I don’t know if he ever will.
I made the decision not to tolerate his behaviour, to make sure I’ve done my part so another woman doesn’t get sexually assaulted. I wouldn’t want this to happen to another woman.
I don’t feel safe in my own fucking home due to this asshole. In a couple days he’ll be suspended and I’ll feel better. Still, I can’t imagine why a man would do such stupid shit. It’s not like he doesn’t know this isn’t allowed. This is part of their training. I keep going over and over with that question in my mind.
Why? Why do something you know could get you ruined? It doesn’t make logical sense.
This will all be over soon. I’ll update if necessary.