Paul Elam’s Estranged Daughter Finally Speaks and Elam Responds MUST READ UPDATED

Many of you already know about this but for those that don’t Buzzfeed found Paul Elam’s daughter and one of three of his ex-wives. They spoke with pseudonyms. Turns out Elam is everything I expected him to be. He has a criminal record for drugs and sleeping on the street due to drug and alcohol addiction. He’s a racist, a deadbeat dad who took care of ZERO of his kids, hits children, and even blamed his ex-wife for being raped by one of his friends.

He calls rap music ‘nigger music’ and he hit his grandchild, a son, because he dared open an expensive refrigerator that Elam bought with his hundreds of thousands of dollars he scams from his MRA audience. So much for loving boys.

His daughter says he’s a leech, that he leeches off women and doesn’t work except troll on the internet and he can’t keep a steady job. He really has his audience fooled with all the ‘advice’ he gives about fatherhood seeing he hasn’t spent a day fathering his children except to allow his daughter to pay his phone bills.

Paul Elam is trash. Anyone who donates to this guy has a screw loose thinking he’ll go mainstream and get his ideas accepted when he’s got a criminal record and his ex wives fear for their safety if they talk.

I can only hope ‘Bonnie’ got a conscience and is doing this to protect the many women he’s harmed and intends to harm. If so I have a warm thank you to her. If you’re reading this Bonnie, you may email me at

To ‘Bonnie’ :It must be very difficult to accept these things about your father. It’s hard coming face to face with this truth but you are very brave to speak openly about him and potentially save many lives.


Elam responded to the piece and I’ll save you all the trouble of reading the writings of someone so self absorbed and dishonest. He basically said ‘bitches be lyin yo.’ He also promised more attacks. I suppose that’s what abusive men do when confronted with their abuse: abuse more.

That was it.


21 thoughts on “Paul Elam’s Estranged Daughter Finally Speaks and Elam Responds MUST READ UPDATED

  1. OMG! Massive LOL! After I finished reading your article (and, no, I’d not heard of this before and thank you for writing about it), I clicked on the Buzzfeed link! I’m so glad I wasn’t taking a sip of my tea at that very moment! What an image!

    And, that’s exactly the kind of MRM reversals I mentioned in the comment on your previous blogpost! Hilarious!

    Now, I have to go read the article… gotta stop laughing first… must stop laughing…

    Hee, hee! Oh, my sides ache!

  2. Oh, that title, too: “How Men’s Rights Leader Paul Elam Turned Being A Deadbeat Dad Into A Moneymaking Movement.”

    Sometimes when I read I have what must be a kind of dyslexia in that my eyes will alter a word to appear like another word for a split second. In this case, I first read, “…a MONKEYmaking Movement.” He’s made a monkey out of a whole lot of misogynists!

    Oh, the jocularity of it all – I’m dyin’ hea’!

  3. HMQ, I just read the article and it is very sobering. As soon as I got to the first paragraph, I stopped laughing.

    Unfortunately, this is a very common story. The experiences of Bonnie and Susan are very typical experiences of women and girls. And, Elam is an example of a very average, very common, very typical man.

    The only thing extraordinary about him is that he’s a particularly successful online con artist whose actions affect us very directly.

    We are all live in fear of the male mob. The only thing good to say about it is that we see the collective male mask has dropped. We can now see men for what they really are. While other men obscure their hatred for women, at least, most try – these men are very direct, very blunt. In this way, they do us a small favor. We know who our enemy is. He is clearly in view. He no longer hides as “friend” or a “boyfriend or a “husband” or a “father.” In the MRM, we see men stripped naked, the reality of their hideous nature is no longer hidden.

  4. I don’t know exactly why, but the Buzzfeed article fills me with disturbance, maybe even dread. This is only one of four marriages (maybe just three).

    I think it’s because I have the intuition that this is the tip of his iceberg. The statement from the third ex-wife is ominous. So many questions are raised in that article: did he quit his counseling work because he fell off the wagon? Is the woman he lives with his main financial support, when he’s always calling women parasites and leeches? What are we to make of AVFM’s constant refrain that men have to go off to die in the armed forces, when he lived off his miltary wife? Does he have an honorable discharge or is there some horror there? Are the people involved in that article in some sort of danger of physical retaliation?

    This is the man who posted Thomas Ball’s screed about blowing up courthouses. The tone of so many of his articles sounds like a man at the brink of violence.

    His whole agenda is just a tissue of denial, reversal, and pathology.

    I am worried for his ex-wives and their families. The thing is, staying silent is the worst thing they can do now. I hope they stay strong.

    • The article added this tidbit. It’s an email from Elam to his daughter in 2010
      “I am struggling to find work, living off Stacy and have used up every dime of savings. I am in a state so bad the only thing I can compare it to is when I was shooting dope,” Elam wrote in an email to Bonnie in 2010. “I have buried myself in writing because it numbs the pain and makes me think of other things, like instead of feeling like a failure.”

      He’s a leech and a failure. He’s cleaned out his girlfriend’s savings to keep AVFM afloat. How much money you wanna bet she’ll ditch him?

      • This bit goes to what we’ve been saying about detaching these men’s tentacles from ourselves. It is very typical for men to live off women, often their mothers! But, then after that any girl or woman they have contact with. They use us for slave labor, as a food/energy supply when they sexually abuse us, and they use us financially. Any contact with men will lead to absolute financial depletion – even if you think you are the proverbial turnip and don’t have anything to lose they will find a way to squeeze blood out of you!

        Of course, they reverse all of this – women are “gold diggers,” etc. Reality – just look around you! – tells a whole other tale!

      • These are the parts of the article that are the most disturbing to me:

        1. As you pointed out, House Mouse Q, the email he sent his daughter:
        “I am struggling to find work, living off Stacy and have used up every dime of savings. I am in a state so bad the only thing I can compare it to is when I was shooting dope,” Elam wrote in an email to Bonnie in 2010. “I have buried myself in writing because it numbs the pain and makes me think of other things, like instead of feeling like a failure.”

        “Here he is on the internet bashing women, yet he’s living off a woman,” Bonnie said. “She facilitated him living off his passion. And online, he was like, ‘Don’t give that bitch a dime,’ or whatever. That’s when I realized he was making excuses.”

        I’m concerned that when Elam feels desperate he finds his relief from pain by causing pain to women. It’s classical sadism and projection, isn’t it? He must be feeling those same impulses now. That concerns me.

        2. “Elam referred obliquely to his past incendiary remarks by comparing them to the moment at the 1968 Olympics when black American athletes John Carlos and Tommie Smith raised their fists in a black power salute to protest racism in the United States.”

        “He said, ‘Absolutely not, I’m not listening to this n****r rap shit.’”

        This man is seriously disturbed. He compares his contemptible attacks on women to the Civil Rights Movement, appropriating the struggle of African-Americans. And he AT THE SAME TIME uses an odious epithet against Black people and shows utter contempt for their culture.

        All I can do is go to the dictionary:

        shame′less·ness n.
        Synonyms: shameless, brazen, barefaced, brash1, impudent, unblushing
        These adjectives apply to that which defies social or moral proprieties and is marked by a bold lack of shame. Shameless implies a lack of modesty, sense of decency, or regard for others’ rights or feelings: a shameless liar; a shameless accusation. Brazen suggests flagrant, insolent audacity: a brazen impostor; brazen arrogance. Barefaced specifies undisguised brazenness: a barefaced hypocrite; a barefaced lie. Brash stresses impetuousness, lack of tact, and often crass indifference to consequences or to considerations of decency: a brash newcomer; brash demands. Impudent suggests offensive boldness or effrontery: an impudent student; an impudent misrepresentation. Unblushing implies an inappropriate lack of shame or embarrassment: an unblushing apologist; unblushing obsequiousness.
        American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. Copyright © 2011 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

  5. This just confirms my suspicion that Elam, Hembling, JB, Karen Stringbeanhead and all other prominent MRAs are nothing more narcissistic manipulators. And like most narcissists, they know how to exploit their willing victims’ low self-esteem and self-pity and benefit handsomely from it.

  6. That was epic. Thank you. The chickens always come home to roost. I’ve got my own Elam stories (I met him before he launched his site), and now this all makes sense. I knew he was a psycho.

      • It’s not anything near as good as this. What’s more, my entire career is online and in academia. I don’t want to run any risk of him figuring out who I am and begin attacking me. I just don’t need the headaches or the hassles. I’m just happy to see it finally coming back around to him. I knew it would eventually. I predict he will go down in flames in the near future. And it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. 🙂

  7. …And this just in…

    PsychoDad says, “I don’t think men are oppressed.”

    How exactly do they square this with all the times they have said that men and boys are the truly oppressed among us, that we live in a feminist-run system in which men are the slaves to women, etc., etc., or, for instance, that video with Yetiman talking about his oppression as a “working class” man with no tooth, compared to a “pampered” feminist? Public schools are oppressing boys. Feminist-run colleges are oppressing rapists. How do they square any of this with the above statement?

    How do the MRM followers digest all of these contradictions?

    Once, again, it’s a land of imagination – apparently.

  8. A minor correction: his ex-wife did not get pregnant from the rape (at least as far as everyone involved believes, according to the article).

      • It’s kind of danced around in there:

        When Bonnie was born in 1979, Susan breathed a sigh of relief: Her daughter was white, like Elam, and her assaulter was not. … “It wasn’t even like, do we kind of look alike?” Bonnie said. “I was looking at myself. I saw myself in him from my face to the bend in my elbow. It was weird. Your whole life, you go around not looking like anybody, and all of the sudden your doppelgänger is sitting right in front of you.”

        So it never says it outright the implication is that Bonnie is, in fact, Paul’s biological daughter. Which in no way detracts from how screwed up it is to accuse your rape victim wife of cheating on you.

  9. Pingback: Paul Elam’s Poverty | Mancheeze

  10. Hi House Queen, I can’t stand to go to the article any more, but yeah, it said, Susan was relieved when she gave birth to find her daughter was not from her assaulter. Her pregnancy was by Elam. It’s very clear. Just a small clarification.

    • It’s not that clear to me. Just because the child of a light-skinned mother is, also, light skinned, this says nothing about who the child’s father is or what he looks like. I look very white, but my father’s side of the family does not – some people rudely questioned my my mother when I was born, too! Despite the fact that I do not have the same coloring or other race characteristics doesn’t mean I’m not my father’s daughter.

      Parents of two apparently different races sometimes have twins and one appears “white” and the other “black.” Appearance says nothing about race.

      All I got out of that part of the article is that she was relieved the kid could “pass” for being Elam’s. There’s no way to accurately read anything else into it.

  11. Pingback: Anti-Feminism Is As It Ever Was - Author K. Williams


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s