Yes, You Are Being Abusive

Most of my readership probably doesn’t follow the ‘feminist community’ on Youtube. I put it in quotes because it’s not really what I consider a feminist community. It caters to men much of the time. You all remember LaughingWitch’s video screaming because I had the gumption to state there are these human beings called FEMALES who are NOT males and who have a completely different sociopolitical experience of life being the oppressed group?

I barely follow this community myself but this shit just couldn’t be ignored because I still sub to one user who is aware of all this. A few months ago I came in contact with this particular group of people and I found out quickly that many of them weren’t really feminists. I don’t consider men feminists. The other reason I don’t consider many of these people feminists is they don’t argue the point. Instead they do the typical name calling completely devoid of analysis just like MRA’s.

This video was made by SequesterZone after he had a falling out with his ‘non-girlfriend’ who he ‘loves’ and ‘wanted to save’, ExtremelyBoring. Now she’s been here to rail at me over the twanz and all sorts of other nonsense but because she couldn’t argue the point I dismissed her. She considers herself radical, which I found highly amusing.

I’ve watched many of SZ’s videos over the past few months and while I liked many of them, well, this video shows him in a light I cannot ignore.

Her and SZ had a falling out about him apparently flirting with another woman and being sexually suggestive. SZ considers himself a feminist, which this video clearly shows he’s not. He’s done with feminists b/c he got in a squabble w/ his ‘non-girlfriend.’  You’ll see:

To open up a woman like that online is abusive. Countering a claim of harassment didn’t require this foray into her personal life, her bipolar disorder, her ‘lack of real life friends’, her ‘laziness’, her ‘cheating,’ and the constant mansplainy definitions of abuse which you definitely engaged in. You could’ve just stated your case without painting this picture of her as a crazy, hysterical woman after your money. It’s highly manipulative.

If you knew she was polyam why would you, someone monogamous, even try it? It seemed like you wanted to change her. If she doesn’t want disability or a job then who made you boss of her life? It sounds to me more like you wanted to make her something she’s not to fit your needs.

You did call yourself stupid, and yes, yes you are. At the very least, you did admit that. But you’re now manipulating and tainting her to the world.

You know Youtube is a cesspool of misogynists and know how they attacked Zoe Quinn over some idiot’s claim of non-existent cheating. You know how MRA’s go after women they instantly deem mentally ill or their stupid gold digger’ references. You also did the whole ‘men are disposable’ thing by making it sound like she was using you to get money. All in that environment.

If any of the Youtubers mentioned want to come here that’s fine. If you start calling me an evil radfem or go down the twanz you won’t be published. It’s that simple. You WILL respect this woman focused space and you WILL respect me.

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28 thoughts on “Yes, You Are Being Abusive

  1. “I are done with everybody and I’m posting an hour of myself carrying on about this on YouTube.” Jfc I’m going back to sleep.

  2. Gosh, these men are so emotional and childish. The gaslighting is cliché at this point. But behind the gaslighting there’s always a spoiled, emotionally stunted man-baby . They sound like this to me:

    “Hey everyone, she’s a nutter because she didn’t do exactly what I wanted! Waaaa! Please harass her online on my behalf…wait, no, I didn’t say that, nope. If anyone ends up stalking her online, my hands are clean.
    Now excuse me, I can’t post anymore, I have to go crawl into my closet and curl up into the fetal position while I suck on a pacifier. **sniff** (mumbling to himself) Mommy? You said any girl would be lucky to have me, Mommy. Why can’t women be more like dolls? **sniff**”

    So not attractive.

  3. I can’t stand dude’s voices, anymore, – have you noticed they are about all that’s left among non-pirated material on YouTube? They’re the only voices left on talk radio. I’m tired of hearing them. I’ve already heard all the stoopid shit they have to say a hundred times, at least. Looking at them, even when they aren’t bald and their eyes aren’t going ’round and ’round like psychotic kaleidoscopes, makes me nauseus – therefore, I couldn’t listen to the vid. But, then I can pretty much guess at the general content, so there would be no point. My summation: Another whining dudebro who can’t understand why women won’t honor and obey him.

    I feel kind of sorry for ExtremelyBoring. I hope she finally gets enough of dudebros someday. I know that cutting them out of my life as much as possible has made me feel much better, even physically healthier and more vibrant.

    There is no hope for men – no matter what they do, whether they wear lipstick or not or whatever, they’re just men and they are broken and there is no way to fix them.

  4. I know we have strong disagreements about some things, but at least you can see abusive behavior when it happens, and I thank you for that. It amazes me that there are many feminists from youtube that are defending him for this and other things that are even worse but I would rather not say since it involves another person. Jenny and Jazzy are his biggest supporters from what I can tell.

    This whole thing has caused me to delete my entire google account and all other accounts associated with my time on youtube that I used. Primarily because of a comment he made in reply to me on youtube after I had made it clear that I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore and to stop talking to me. For a time, I had thought about calling him out on this shit, but really, he has put me in a lose lose situation where nothing I do will help. Even being completely silent won’t help. Especially when he has involved another person. He accuses us of harassing him, which we never did, nor did we accuse of him of anything. Well I did start calling him an abusive asshole to a few people after he said he was making a video about things. He started this whole thing and won’t stop, while playing a victim, and people believe his lying ass. It’s sick.

    It would really take way too long to explain everything, but it wasn’t some falling out over him being flirtatious. I had mentioned I was uncertain about how I felt with that mainly due to a large age gap, along with some other things I had issues with, and he focused on that getting incredibly defensive to put it lightly. I decided to be done when his last messages contained a lot of red flags such as saying I never did anything he told me to and being upset over not consulting him about something before doing it, just for a couple examples. I started recognizing a lot of things as abusive that had happened over the previous months that I had made excuses for before. I just wanted to be completely done with him, but instead everything he has done since has only confirmed my suspicions.

    “If you knew she was polyam why would you, someone monogamous, even try it?”

    When this began, he was actually dating another woman. He didn’t tell her right away. She figured it out on her own. At first, he wanted us all to live together as a threesome. He’s obviously not against polys. I never watched the video, I can’t do it, but if he says anything negatively about being poly, he really shouldn’t be talking.

    “If she doesn’t want disability or a job then who made you boss of her life?”

    I didn’t want disability because I would prefer to work. I told him that multiple times, as well as other goals I would like to achieve if possible. I never wanted him to support me financially and also made it clear multiple times that if we met, I would prefer to pay for it instead of him. This was another red flag for me. He brought old stuff we had already talked about multiple times, and it was like he hadn’t listened one bit. I think he’s just mad that I didn’t want to have a youtube “career” like him.

    “picture of her as a crazy, hysterical woman after your money.”

    lol the after his money thing is hilarious. He has no money. If I was interested in that, I would have ignored him completely. But yes, he does seem really interested in gaslighting, and trying to portray me as some crazy jealous person. I think that’s why he seemed so focused on the flirting thing, because he figured that would be the easiest way to discredit me that people would believe since a lot of people think of women that way.

    I just got finished watching a video from Laughing Witch. I asked her about a previous video because I thought it was funny if she was talking about Chris because I have no desire to remain friends with an abusive asshole. She mentioned a comment I made on facebook before I deleted it, but it had nothing to do with her. However, I’ll include her in that group now. I don’t remember her exact wording, but she seems to think I’m out to get Chris, which is something I never wanted although after everything that has happened… yes I would probably enjoy that if it didn’t end up hurting another person, and that I’m building some kind of army against him. I’ve deleted all my shit and have barely said shit about anything of this, while he’s still around with tons of support and talking about spending 9 or 10 hours gathering intel on various people on skype with his “allies.” Everything she said to me, people should be saying about Chris, but instead they’re helping him with his abusive behavior. They even believe the shit he says, even though it should be obvious that he’s scum, while never bothering to ask me about anything. They would rather get all of their information from a lying, manipulating, gaslighting asshole and assume they know everything, when they really know shit.

    I have to say, since you mentioned trans people in this post, that it’s been mostly people who are trans who have given me any support since this has happened. They’re far better feminists than most “feminists” on youtube, including the women born women or whatever you’d prefer to call them.

    I don’t know if you will make this post public, in a way I want it public but I also know that if anyone sees it they’ll somehow twist it into me harassing him like they’ve been doing every time I’ve tried to say something instead of remaining silent. If you do make this post public, regardless of what you think, I hope you will at least delete abusive comments towards me here.

    Again, thank you for being one of the few that is seeing this shit for what it is.

    • I will not publicly reveal personal details about another person as I don’t think it’s right to do that. I know Chris has told people about our break-up and I suspect I know what he will have said to them. I only wish people knew me and my side. However, I will not reveal those details in a public forum. I have tried to speak to someone who seemed trustworthy in private about what I know of Chris to see if that will help, but Chris has told me that person is supporting him, which shocks me after what I revealed. I’ve kept quiet a long time out of respect for a person who I thought could be great if he dealt with some of his personal issues. When he started out on YT I thought he was going to be a force for good. I am deeply disappointed in someone I was so close to having seen how he has attacked people on YT. He can be very vindictive when crossed, and yes, he does tend to try and get as much dirt/evidence on people who speak out against him. There is no doubt I will be dox’d and disgraced at some point because I am daring to no longer remain as silent as I once did.

      If it helps you EB, I can confirm that I was living with him while these events were happening. I can confirm to people that you are telling the truth about him wanting to live as a threesome with you and KC. He spoke to me about it in detail and had no problem with polyam at that time, in fact he called me stupid when I queried whether that was what he wanted because he’d always said he was monogamous to me. It’s also correct he has no money, I financially supported him from when he arrived in Seattle to March this year. Although we broke up last July/Aug, he’d only just got a job and couldn’t afford to move out right away.

  5. Thank you very much for speaking out about this. I’m on stupid youtube and male. I don’t call myself a feminist, or ally, because I don’t feel I live up to the terms, partly because of things you said before. I also feel I should listen when women like you say men can’t be feminists, specially because I tend to think you make sense on that point, like on many others. I find it hard to form an opinion and tend not to want to bother you, to ask things, let alone argue, because of the way a lot of people treat you on the site. I disapprove of how you’re often treated but don’t defend you because I’m not brave enough, I’m scared they’ll come after me if I did.

    I liked and like ExtremelyBoring a lot, as a person and as a youtuber, she’s a wonderful lady. I’m also happy to say we’re friends. She’s been wronged. Your analysis is spot on and reminds me of all the reasons why I like you, despite what anyone says about you or the things you occasionally say I don’t understand or think I do disagree with.
    It’s unfair and abusive what he’s doing to ExtremelyBoring and anyone trying to defend her. In typical youtube fashion he’s also gathering a hatemob of cronies to go after and silence her, telling themselves it’s for great justice probably.
    She’s closed her account and even before posted nothing negative about him publicly, not even a defense against his vile, disgusting slander. That’s still not enough for SZ to leave her alone and stop his harassment. He continues to threaten her and anyone speaking in her defense, anyone who recognizes what he’s doing for the abuse it is.
    Thank you for not remaining silent.

  6. OMG. What is with the navel gazing that passes for analysis and social critique these days? I couldn’t make it 3 minutes in. Get to the point, already, man!

    Thanks, House Mouse Queen, for reminding me to only look at fluffy kitty videos on YouTube!

  7. Two and a quarter minutes in I knew everything I needed to know about this d00d. They have no idea how effing transparent they are. One of the things gaslight style abusers fail to grasp is that once it is recorded or put in writing the trick no longer works.
    I am sorry he did this to you, extremelyboring. I am not sure why you felt the need to insult the person you are thanking by informing them that trans are better feminists than they are but I guess if you are an asshat you are gonna act an asshat no matter where you go.

    • Thanks for putting words to something I felt when i read it too. It was asshattish to mention it when I specifically said not to. Men are not women. they might b supportive but it has nothing to do with them being ‘women’ cuz they’re not.

      • In some ways, this whole trans thing that’s going on seems like a replay of the 1980s. Remember when all those dudes grew their hair long and beautiful, the fasted to be thin, they got manicures, wore eyeliner and always knew all the best hair products? And, we all dressed alike back the, too – lots of tight spandex pants and loose, flowing shirts with flowers on them. I used to think those guys were somehow different (I was only 20!) and they seemed to understand me, understand my pain and what I was going through – until they fucked you, which was the ultimate goal of all that hair and make-up and guitar lessons. That’s when you found out that they were like all the other assholes – just with nicer hair.

        This trans thing seems very similar. “I’m one of you,” they say. “My life is like yours and we have so much in common.”But, it’s just another ruse to get in close, get their hands on you and their dicks in you and do maximum damage.

      • The point is that men have multiple ruses to get get in close and fuck women over, literally. They will go to the most elaborate extremes to get their hands on women. So, if the tranny men are being extra nice to E.B. in her time of need, this is business as usual. It’s exactly what I’d expect them to do. They smell blood in the water! There’s an opportunity here. That’s what they’re thinking because that’s how men think.

        Of course, this stuff is a lot easier to see after several decades on the planet watching men pull the same shit on women over and over. It’s easier to see when you’re 50 than when you’re 20!

  8. Trans women are not better feminists than women born women. “Trans feminism” ignores global social issues around forced marriage, child marriage, FGM, virginity, lactation, miscarriage, women’s history, women’s art, caretaking gender roles, aged women, wicca and other spiritual issues, menstruation issues such as access to tampons in India, menopausal issues, unpaid housework, child care, FGM, genital fistulae, ovarian cancer, hysterectomies for endometriosis, childbirth complications, birth control, father-daughter incest, brother-sister incest, and so much more. Please, stop insulting women.

    • I don’t think she can help it. She had a chance to debate the issues a couple weeks ago and ran off in a huff. The fact is, we’re right and she’s wrong but men must be catered to in their delusions. Calling herself ‘radical’ just made it more tragic.

      • I’ve found they can’t respond with anything other than abuse or “OMG, I don’t even know how to respond to this!” The latter group, I suspect, are the most susceptible to coming over to our side if they receive enough abuse from trans women. Or I suppose they could double down.

  9. Trans-feminism, as far as I can tell, is limited to sex-pos access for transwomen to lesbians, piggybacking transwomen onto women for protected-class civil-rights purposes, and ensuring artificial gender roles are enshrined as biological rather than artificial socially-constructed roles. Did I miss anything?

    ps. I said FGM twice in the post above.That is such a terrible thing, I’m glad I said it twice. And I didn’t mention rape of women because they are women, as with wars where the idea is to impregnate us for genocidal purposes. I hardly got started,, in fact. And what does any of this, any of our real issues, have to do with Bruce Jenner wanting to be 40 again, and look like a fembot?

      • I think it worth addressing that the same corporate media that declared Jenner “the perfect man” in 1983 now does a spread on how Jenner has always been a woman.
        The gaslighting is just one of the many reasons I despise the corporate media.

        • Others have pointed this out in discussions at other blogs, but they are excellent points: If Jenner has boondoggled us all into believing he was a man, while along he was a woman, then he is guilty of fraudulently winning in competitions, which are closed to women and to which no comparable events exist to this day. He is, also, guilty of fraudulently gaining access to country clubs and associations with powerful and influential men, which are prohibited to women.

          If he has always been a woman, then he has committed a lifetime of fraud.

          Of course, he is not a woman and none of his male privileges are in any danger of being revoked.

        • And now everyone is comparing him to Jessica Lange. http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/jessica-lange-thinks-caitlyn-jenner-comparisons/story?id=31469272

          Of course, aside from the glaringly obvious difference (one is actually a woman, and the other is not), there is also the fact that Jessica isn’t getting any pats on the back for being a woman (or millions of Twitter followers & Vanity Fair photo shoots). But a middle-aged dude can pretend to be a woman, and it’s some big deal worth celebrating. Ugh. Please pass the barf bag.

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