I Nailed a Guy At a Supermarket

Men count on the submission of women. They count on femininity, the gender role they’ve designed for us so that they can dominate and control us. I am not feminine. I am human.

The other day I was at the local grocery store, waiting in line because it was busy. I was buying a product that I had asked the store to order for me. It was that bloody Irish Breakfast tea I’ve been wanting for months. I finally got the store to get it for me and I finally was getting it.

I approached the register and I heard over my shoulder a whining, angry male. He didn’t want to wait a few minutes and he was pissed because the store was busy and they didn’t have a lot of cashiers. This is male entitlement.

Why should he, the white male, have to wait in line like everyone else? He’s superior right?

The cashier rang me up and the cost of the tea was very cheap. I asked her why it was so cheap and the man behind me in line was muttering at me ‘oh come on lady, fucking bitch.’ So I’m trying to talk to the cashier and this asshole behind me is muttering at me and breaking up my attention.

Finally, I had had enough and turned around to face him. I yelled so the whole store heard me.

‘Hey, I waited in line like everyone else. If you don’t like it go to another line!’

He turned away from me, embarrassed. He knew the entire store was looking at him. I was ready to rip him a new one if he talked back. He didn’t.

He thought he could sit there and abuse me without me saying a word because when you’re trained into femininity, you are supposed to be nice and silent and take it. Men depend on this to harm women. Since I am close to 50, and I don’t give a shit about gender dominance and I assert my humanity, I ripped him a new one. It felt really good.

Men need retraining, they’re garbage.



Another Health Update

I have good news and bad news. I didn’t want to share my diagnosis online a few weeks ago because of MRA’s but it turns out the diagnosis was wrong and that’s a good thing. The initial diagnosis was Trigeminal Neuralgia which is when a blood vessel sits on the trigeminal nerve that goes directly to the brain. This disease is also called the ‘Suicide Disease’ because it’s one of the most painful conditions to have and many people just kill themselves. There is no cure for it. You have to take anti seizure medication and undergo surgical procedures that have mixed results. I was diagnosed with this condition a couple weeks ago prior to the bone scan that ultimately determined the true issue.

The 5 hour bone scan last week at hospital was a pain in the ass but ultimately found the problem. The technology is amazing. They injected me with a dye and put me through a tube, similar to an MRI machine. I had to drink lots of water and come back a few hours later for pictures. They took at least 80 photographs of my left jaw and the machine made a pretty noise that relaxed me.

They found that my jaw bone is infected and some of the bone has died. I had to go to the ER to start intravenous antibiotics right away. I am having a semi permanent intravenous spike placed near my heart today that doesn’t come out until my 6 weeks of intravenous therapy is over.

UPDATE: The ‘pic’ near the heart was attempted today with me kicking them away and screaming like a stuck pig. They have to numb the vein and it hurt like a motherfucker. Then they place a threaded wire deep into the vein and near your heart. I had about 3 minutes of this woman poking, the ultrasound machine kept switching off and making it last longer, and I had enough. Whoever that woman was, she sucked and I told them, ‘you’re gonna have to knock me out for that.’ I had a breakdown and cried ‘What are you doing to me!!!!!?’ That was it. I had enough, she took out whatever needles and wires she was poking me with, and I curled up in a ball and cried for 20 minutes. I couldn’t believe the pain and the way I reacted.  I have good veins in my arm in the elbow joint but a pic has to go in the upper arm, in a large vein and it has to be sterile and threaded near the heart. Since I’ve been ill for a month and losing weight my veins are all tight and small. Fuck that shit.

I’m also taking oral antibiotics and will have to have surgery to scrape out the dead bone and possibly reconstruct the bone with plates and screws if it’s necessary. I won’t know until I have a proper MRI and the surgeon cuts me open. I’m seeing the surgeon tomorrow. I haven’t had a rest in days.

You can imagine the pain I’ve been in since bone pain is incredibly difficult and then add nerve pain on top of it all. I went through a month of this severe pain without taking hardly any strong narcotics. My doctor looked at me the other day and said ‘You are one tough lady, oh my god, you’re tough.’

I took that as a compliment but at the same time it’s not ‘tough’ to suffer the way I’ve been suffering. The side effects of all the medications I’ve taken haven’t allowed me much concentration. The anti seizure meds were the worst because your eyes cannot stand still to read. They flutter and can’t focus.

I was able to watch videos on the anti-seizure drugs but mostly I couldn’t read a word so I haven’t been posting much. I’m finally off that crap so I have some  eye focus back. The only thing now is having to travel to the hospital every damn day for my IV medication and then having oral surgery. Fuck though, I’m so glad I don’t have Trigeminal Neuralgia. That would’ve devastated me.

The nurse had to poke and prod me yesterday and I have a bunch of bruises on my arm now. She wasn’t the best at finding veins either. I kept telling her to poke my arm vein and she insisted on trying lower down the arm. Of course, when she did it my way she got a vein. I’ve always had huge veins but I’m dehydrated and I’ve lost 10 pounds from pain and not being able to eat properly. Not the kind of diet I had in mind. I notice weight loss immediately because the first place I lose it is in my breasts like many other women.

Ultimately, I hope to be well again in a couple months. I’ll still post here and there and you’ll know when I’m feeling better because I’ll start ripping on MRA’s and transactivists again like never before. I save all that negative energy to throw at them because they deserve it.

As always I’m fundraising because it’s really expensive getting back and forth to the hospital and of course, buying special food that’s nutritious that I can actually manage to swallow.

I’m deathly afraid of the surgery because any kind of fiddling around in the mouth can cause more problems. It’s such a sensitive place with a ton of nerves that I’m not too keen on being fucked with again. I’ve also heard that putting screws and plates in jaws can cause problems for the rest of your damn life.

My dentist feels pretty bad and guilty now because he was so dead wrong about everything. He even called me last night, sort of in shock. In his mind he thought I was just healing up and he was in total denial that I had an infection. Hell, even my blood work came back looking good and not indicating infection but it’s been there the whole time, eating away at my bone and affecting the nerve. No matter how much I told him something was really wrong, he denied it. He feels pretty fucking dumb right now. My doctor at the hospital was worried about phoning him because after I spoke with her about his denial she said ‘I don’t want to step on his toes.’

You know what? Who gives a fuck about his toes!? Give a fuck about my mouth dammit! This whole ego bullshit between doctors is a fucking joke. My dentist has to accept he was wrong and fucking deal with it. He has to be an adult and realize he made a mistake. His ego is the last thing on my mind.

Well, I’m off to the hospital. I don’t know if I’ll post again before the 25th but I might. I will keep you all updated on my progress and I hope you all have a great holiday season.

Thank you to those who have donated to me. You’ve made this hell a bit easier to deal with. If you would like to donate please see the paypal button underneath mine and Boogie’s picture on the upper right of the blog. You don’t need to have a special account to donate.


Diana /House Mouse Queen





Hi sisters.

I’m finally starting to slowly mend. It helps me to write and get it all out. I had a longstanding infection in my lower jawbone. I’m trying to figure out how I got it and I think it was when I broke a piece off my molar. I tend to grind my teeth and I put more stress on them than they can take. So a piece broke off my lower left molar and I had a root canal and a crown put on it.

The premolar in front of it needed a filling and I got one. This all happened about 2 months ago. The infection started then and carried on for 2 whole months without me noticing the pain, simply because I’m always in pain from my disability. You get used to having pain constantly. The infection just carried on and on until I finally noticed pain 2 weeks ago.

I got antibiotics, took them for 5 days and they weren’t working. So I went to a local clinic last Saturday and the doctor gave me a strong anti inflammatory and dilaudid. Neither worked. I ended up at the hospital the next night with half my face looking like I got beat up. The ER doctor took one look at me and gave me a new antibiotic and implored me to get it NOW and start taking it. He also gave me stronger pain medication. He was worried that I may have to go on IV antibiotics because the infection was so deep and longstanding and none of the pain medication was working.

After taking the new antibiotic for a mere 24 hours I could feel some of the swelling going down. This past monday I had my premolar pulled and on Friday I had my molar pulled. They don’t actually pull your tooth out, they push it and twist it out. I’ve had enough novocaine shots to last me another 5 years! I’ve been on antibiotics for 2 weeks now and very strong anti inflammatories around the the clock.

I’m finally starting to mend. Finally. I wish I didn’t have to lose 2 teeth but it’s the only way to heal the infection. I’ve been sleeping 12 and 16 hours a day respectively.

Once I’m not taking Toradol around the clock I’ll be back in business. I want to make some changes. I just don’t know what yet. I’m trying to stay positive and think of the future.

I appreciate the well wishes I’ve gotten.

I’ve been keeping myself busy with a Japanese Colouring book:



Our Favourite Things: OPEN THREAD

1970’s advertisement for The Doric

I haven’t had an open thread in quite some time. This will be for my sisters to share their favourite things so we get to know each other a bit better and can cheer each other up with favourite things while wading in the swamp that is the Manosphere.

I’m a pretty simple person in that small things make my day. A smile from a woman on the street or a chat with a woman I meet really does wonders and allows me to get closer to women. Part of being a feminist, for me, is that solidarity I have with other women I don’t know. I make a point of sending out good sisterly vibes to women in my community.

I have other interests of course. I love mice, which drives the Manosphere nuts. Haha. They call me ‘ratlady’ which is hilarious since I don’t have rats. They can’t even get that right and you expect them to understand feminism?

I love aviation and watch a ton of videos watching the large commercial jets taking off. Here’s a comm air, a new 787 Dreamliner by Boeing that did a near-vertical take off at the Paris 2015 airshow. The pilots couldn’t do that with passengers on board although I wouldn’t mind it.

My next project is to build a model 747-400 to hang from my ceiling.

I remember when I was young I traveled extensively and flew at least twice a year. One flight I’ll never forget. We were going to Haiti and we took a late night flight from Boston to JFK, to stay over in New York for a night so we could leave early the next morning. The plane we took was a 747 (largest comm jet at the time) and it was almost empty. I felt like a little Queen having that huge plane to myself. I ran in the aisles, exploring under the seats. We stayed at the Hilton, right at the top suite and all night I could hear the planes coming into JFK. The sound of planes actually relaxes me and I slept so sound. Most people don’t like living near airports but I’d be a top candidate.

My favourite airplane. Model 747-400 Delta Livery

My favourite place is Bermuda. I’ve been there several times. The sand is pink. I love Front St. and The Southampton Princess where we always stayed. Each night, after dinner, I’d beg my grandfather for money so I could go to the oyster seller to find a pearl. It was $1 and oyster and the man would open it and if you found a pearl, it was yours. I eventually found one, a perfect sphere. My grandmother had it set in a golden cage on a gold necklace. I especially loved seeing the cruise ship called The Doric when I was young. The ship was massive. Everything looked larger when I was young. I know how mice feel about everything being bigger than them!

Capturing girlhood

I admit, I love traveling. One of my sisters on Twitter is in Puerto Rico, which brought back memories for me. I stayed there when I was 4 years old and went back again when I was 9. I remember seeing a manta ray for the first time. It was at least 15 feet across and had a leopard pattern. It was in shallow water.

My 3 month trip to Australia was my latest excursion. I had friends there who invited me to come. I sold my car to do it. The ticket was almost $3,000 dollars. It was an 18 hour flight, Vancouver to Los Angeles and then on to Melbourne where I stayed for a week, and finally a short flight to Tasmania, where I stayed.

Cape Barren Goose feathers

It was the first time I drank water from a mountain spring on Mount Wellington. I held baby wallabees, stroked a wombat and held a Koala. My favourite animals were the birds. I have several feather collections I snuck back into Canada to add to my large feather collection. My favourite bird was the Cape Barren Goose. The feathers have a black heart shape at the tip.

I could go on about my many travels but we’ll leave it there for now. Threads like these are my way of taking a break from misogyny-land. If you think I need to do these more often speak up and let me know. I’d like to hear from my sisters on their favourite things.

Dan ‘Kill the Bitch’ Perrins Media ‘Hunger Strike’ Stunt Comes To a Whiny End

Donation Drive

I’m still on a Donation Drive. I haven’t been doing them as regularly as I should and I’m having a tough month. I would really appreciate your help. The donate button is off to the right side of this blog under my mouse Boogie. Thank you to the people who’ve donated so far. Anything to make it through this month is appreciated.

Our Next Feature

Dan Perrins, the dude who wanted to kill his ex and said so openly at the last Man Bawl in St. Clair Shores, has ended his ‘hunger strike’ stunt for media attention. Those suffragettes were a lot tougher than Dan.

In a letter posted on the Canadian equivalent of A Voice for Men, CAFE, he wrote:

I, Dan Perrins, have ended my hunger strike, as of today, Saturday May 16th at 3:00PM here at the Canadian Centre for Men and Families. Many of you have supported me throughout this period while some have questioned my motivation and goals. So let me offer some reflection.

My decision to begin my hunger strike was not taken lightly. It was a decision I came to at the end of my 120 km walk from Dundas, Ontario to Queen’s Park as I considered what I could do next for those in need. It was motivated out of a deep sense of injustice at the lack of social support for men. I know this well as I am a victim of PTSD brought on by abuse and trauma. When I needed help there was nothing for me. I hoped that a shocking act like a hunger strike might firstly jolt people out of their complacency and secondly, earn a commitment from our government to open the province’s first shelter for male victims of abuse.

I end my hunger strike having made a real breakthrough in opening up a frank discussion about men’s health, and yet with much work yet ahead of me. The public has responded with resounding concern for my cause. The disconnect between those loud voices of support and the deafening silence from our elected officials toward an invitation to meet with me, is telling of a real problem that confronts our society.

But I recognize that just as my walk gave way to a hunger strike, with both acts having succeeded in advancing awareness, it is now time to transition to something new and more appropriate for the road ahead. To lay the groundwork my friends at the Canadian Association for Equality have already picked up the ball. In the last two weeks, motivated by my actions, CAFE has met with elected officials from each political party, including the chief-of-staff of a provincial cabinet minister. They have received interest in government partnership for their programs aimed to address violence against men, the social harms of fatherlessness and mentorship for at-risk boys.

I am cautiously optimistic that these are positive signs that doors are starting to open. It suggests there is, after all, some appetite by politicians to discuss men’s issues openly. If that is the case I believe it is time to move on from my hunger strike and work with CAFE and other organizations that care about these issues, to pursue other more traditional channels of awareness and advocacy. I am open to participate where appropriate in meetings with policy makers so I can share my experiences.

I know CAFE was never comfortable with my hunger strike because of the risk it posed to my health, but I want to thank them for respecting my decision and being there to make sure I got through it. Thank you so much to all those who have wished me well during this journey, and please do not let the momentum we have built together be wasted.

It is ironic, given that the whole point of my hunger strike was to improve men’s health and well-being, that the health and well-being of this man had to be compromised. As activists, such a sacrifice is sometimes necessary, but to each of you, please find your own way to make a contribution while taking care of yourself and your loved ones. We are all in this together.

#Istandwithdan Hashtag

The #istandwithdan HT is really funny. Yes, feminists got wind of Dan’s Man Bawl and responded appropriately

Men Do Have Services In Canada

Since Dan is mentally ill and MRA’s are not known for being coherent, nobody really knew what Dan’s demands were. The only ones I could make out was he wanted the government to make a men’s shelter in Ontario as well as some crap about lolsuits against me and Jeff Sharlet of GQ magazine.
Let it be known that Canadians have on-demand health care that is free of charge. Dan has plenty of services at his disposal and I know this as a Canadian immigrant. Dan is mentally ill, he admits this. He sees a psychiatrist once a week, which if he didn’t have health care, he wouldn’t be able to do. Any Canadian, at any time, can go to a GP(General Practitioner) free of charge.

When I first came to Canada I was astounded at how easily I could see a doctor or go to a hospital. I had my endometriosis surgery in Canada by one of the top surgeons in British Columbia. I’ve also had major testing for my spinal disability here in Canada, MRI’s and the whole show, for free. I’ve been seen by the Vancouver Canuck’s (NHL Team) own physiotherapist.

On my first road trip through Canada in 1995, I stopped in Banff, Alberta to admire the beauty of the Rockies. While there I had a sudden health issue that required me to go to hospital. I wasn’t a Canadian citizen nor was I a permanent resident. I was just there on a 6 month visa. The hospital fixed me up and charged me $40 dollars. Nobody from the United States can go to a US hospital for that amount, ever.

Where I stayed in Banff

This endless whining by MRA’s that there are no services for men in Canada is a bald-faced lie. It’s just them railing against services for women, which have been cut drastically by the Tories. MRA’s are just angry that women have something they feel entitled to without doing an ounce of work for it.

Like Earl Silverman before him, Dan is trying to be the martyr. All the hundreds of thousands of dollars these men have spent on Paul Elam’s new condo and they still make demands like toddlers.

In 2013 Dan called a crisis line at a women’s shelter and berated the staff while taking up the line so abused women couldn’t call. He recorded it and put it on Youtube.

The week he did a hangout with Paul Elam railing and promising to stalk me. He thinks he’s going to get me arrested. Yes, he believes this delusion. He rattled off the Canadian Charter and went on about how I’ve violated it, which is hilarious.

Dan Perrins is a staff member of a hate site. The sentiments he expressed towards his ex are all markers of an abusive man. If he thinks he’s going to call the cops on me then I welcome him to try it. Just try it dude. You’ll be laughed at. You know it, and I know it. You’re just trying to scare me.

Dan has come to this site during his pity party and tried dropping my docs. He failed. He thinks he knows my name. He doesn’t. He tried dropping my name on Twitter, once again failing.

I don’t tolerate abusive men. I will report him if he persists. There’s no reason why women should live in fear of men. I am not going to cower and go offline. That will not happen. I have a good relationship with the police and my second father is a highly decorated retired officer, married to my mother. I don’t usually drop such personal information but in this case it’s necessary to tell Dan, flat out, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

I highly recommend Dan stop stalking me. I know he’ll slither on over here and read this. I’m giving him fair warning.

Below is CAFE’s Justin Trottier talking about the end of Dan’s pity party. Of course it wasn’t limited to one video. Here’s the second one CAFE made after Dan’s pity party. CAFE men’s rights group spent thousands on a billboard with false stats and didn’t put a single penny towards a men’s shelter. It’s the same old tactics of making asses of themselves in public, entitled little manchildren, demanding things they won’t work for. Trottier still doesn’t get why Dan wasn’t invited into the Legislative Assembly during his hunger strike. Let’s just say Dan is well known to the Hamilton Police. Well known.

A Personal Side Note

Because I’ve talked about the police I’d like to introduce you to something I personally adore, the K9 Unit of Israel, named OKETZ (sting). I once owned a K9 trained dog named Gia. She was my love. I want another very much. Most people think the cops strictly use German Shepherds but the preferred dog is the Belgian Malinois because they’re lighter and have a better temperament for the stresses of the job. They even parachute out of planes. Many SEAL dogs get titanium canine implants since the dogs use their mouths so much. There’s a great company in Canada that makes dog body armour for about $40,000 a suit.

Titanium implants

The IDF has a special place where the dogs are buried, with honour.

And lastly, here’s the fastest bite recorded in 2014.



Looking for Indian Women to Interview

The hate site A Voice for Men has written a lot about India, calling it a gynocracy as if India was ruled and run by women. I know that’s not true. I used to live with an Indian family and my Nanaji and Naniji told me a great deal about India, especially Naniji who would go to India for a few months a year to help poor women get dowries to marry.

Indian families, the older traditional ones, will commit female infanticide in order to try again for a male child since males are highly valued while females are considered a burden.

There’s a documentary about the massive rape problem in India which India is trying to suppress. I would like to speak with Indian women about this problem and the patriarchal structure of India which allows this hatred of women and girls.

NB: I watched the documentary and it’s very difficult to watch. Many males raped this young girl and pulled her intestines out of her vagina. It enrages me.

Contact me by email joyintorah18@gmail.com

Your identities will be kept private if you so request. I’d love to hear from you.

It’s Been a Rough Week

I’ve told you all I needed a break from the misogyny, rape threats, death threats. However, there were things in my personal life that took up all my time this week. I was sexually assaulted last year and the harassment continued throughout the winter up to about 3 weeks ago. I had to file 2 separate complaints on this male. Both complaints were through the company he worked for although after the second complaint I made remarks to management that I was going to officially file with the police.

Someone told the abuser male I was going to the police and he did what typical abusers do, call the police on me. Men do this to get out in front of an investigation, to make themselves the victim. When the constable visited me she told me that his official complaint, what prompted this idiot to call them, was his ‘worry’ that I had filed a second sexual assault claim on him.

Can you imagine calling the police to waste time over your poor feelz about a complaint you’re not privy to? All complaints to the company are private but entitled dude thinks calling the police to find out what’s in the document is a totally good use of police time and energy.

So I spoke to the constable for about a half hour and she informed me that this dude was playing the ‘nice guy’ as in he acted ignorant about the harassment. I can almost hear the privilege:

‘I don’t know what’s going on officer. She’s just crazy. I was just being nice.’

Isn’t this such a typical thing abusers say? Women are just nuts if they don’t accept sexual assault and harassment by such a ‘nice guy.’

Anyway, the constable also told me the company was thinking of moving him to a new location so he wouldn’t have any contact with me and that he wasn’t keen on that idea. Typical. It turns out the police believed me and not his entitled ‘complaint’ and he was moved. Thank God.

This week I’ve been in touch with a women’s liason worker and we’re moving to file an order of protection. An order of protection is similar to a restraining order.

I’ll be back shortly with more coverage on the Manosphere. In the mean time, GQ came out with an excellent long article on the St. Clair Shores MRA Conference that occured last year. I kinda think it’s a good idea that Dark Horse Swore was refused entry because there were men there that think the age of consent should be 12 and the creep factor was high.

Taking a Little Break

I’m taking a little time off, well deserved little break from writing. It should only be a few days. If you want to read my last post, it’s quite long and very detailed. I’ve got a new young house mouse I’m caring for and when he arrived and got social with me it I found out just how exhausted I was mentally. Being immersed in so much misogyny and male violence takes a toll on me. I’ve written to some of you personally about this issue.

Being a woman online isn’t easy, especially a woman who confronts the violent, rageful men that inhabit the Manosphere. In the last couple weeks I’ve received rape threats and several other sexually violent replies on Youtube. The misogyny that is thrown my way is sometimes very hard to deal with. Youtube is a horrible place to be if you’re a woman, well, so is every other social online space that allows men to harass, threaten and intimidate without any action being taken to stop it.

I’ve decided to take a few days and relax with my new mouse Buddy. Nature sends things your way when you need it. That’s what I truly believe.

You can still contact me by email joyintorah18@gmail.com and send me screenshots and notes. I’ll try to check my email once a day.

~House Mouse Queen

Male Guard Sexually Harasses Me: I Make Sure He Gets Fired

In my personal life I’ve had to file a report against a male security guard who works in my building. It’s been a harrowing experience and I feel like sharing it.

A bit of background: The security guards who work at my building are usually very nice. They work very closely with tenants like me who are disabled. The company that owns my building is very woman-centered and owns several female-only buildings in Vancouver although I live in a co-ed. The guards they hire are usually skilled and are quite nice to tenants.

In the many years I’ve lived in this building I’ve never had a single problem with any of the guards, men included. However, over the summer one of the newer male guards that works here befriended me, as most of the guards normally do. He was a new guard so he made attempts at getting to know me.

I had my reservations about him from day one as I do with all men. I never totally trust them because you never know when a male is going to push your boundaries or assault you. It turns out this guard had other plans and wasn’t being nice to me because it was just a part of his job.

He wanted to date me and kept making sexual advances which I flatly refused. I was surprised he’d even ask me such a question because guards are never allowed to have interpersonal/sexual relationships with any tenant.

I told him flat out ‘no.’ In his mind he entered the ‘friendzone’ and as usual men do anything to get out of it and instead of just being happy I’m his friend he wants more, and my ‘no’s’ meant nothing to him.

I often wonder, even though I know the answer, why men don’t understand the word ‘no.’ I intellectually understand why men disregard women’s ‘no’s’ but since I’m a human being that understands the word I can’t get myself to stop asking why other human beings don’t.

It’s astonishing isn’t it? We grow up as children understanding basic concepts like ‘no’ and yet grown men ignore it. Imagine what sort of cognitive impairment must be present in a man and it’s MRA’s who call women children. Projection at its finest.

So he kept trying and I kept refusing. It got to the point, very quickly, that I just stopped talking to him when he was on shift. I wouldn’t even look at him. You see, I had told him quite bluntly he better knock it off. But men, being stupid, think they’re entitled.

When I’d enter the building he wouldn’t immediately buzz me in and he’d try giving me my mail as a pretext to corner me and talk to me. This happened about 3 times. It was really starting to piss me off. I didn’t want to leave the building when he was working because it meant he’d try and stop me on my way back in.

So a few nights ago I was sitting here relaxing in my usual nocturnal pattern. It was 2am and I was watching a movie and folding origami. Someone knocked on my door.

At first I thought it was a mistake, that someone might be lost and mistakenly knocked on my door. I went to the door and didn’t open it. I said ‘what do you want!? in a shrill manner and I heard the male guard’s voice say something to me that I couldn’t quite make out. I did hear the word ‘package’ and assumed there was a box for me from the US that had been delivered earlier in the day. But I heard his voice. I refused to answer the door, went back to bed, and waited for his shadow to slink away from the light under the door.

About 10 minutes later I saw a shadow under my door. I didn’t know if it was a person or an object but after staring for a few minutes it didn’t move. It was a package. I was frightened.

For the next couple hours or so I heard him creeping around on my floor. The reason I knew he was there is because the guards always carry a mobile phone that they use to buzz people into the building if they’re not at the front desk. I kept hearing the phone ring.

I blockaded my door with various things and eventually went to bed with that shadow under my door. This guy has a master key to all the suites. I was paranoid he would try entering since I refused to open the door.

The next morning the shadow under the door was gone. Someone had removed the package.

That night around 7pm another guard came to my door delivering my mail and this box. It is not standard protocol for guards to deliver mail to people’s doors. I usually get it on my way out or in to the building since the mail slots are in the main office. pI thought it strange to get this delivery.

He gave me a few letters and a large box with a sealed note attached. I opened the box and there was a bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream Sherry in there. A note was attached and sealed. It was from that male guard who had been sexually harassing me. He was trying to get me to open my door the night before with this ‘gift.’

I didn’t open the letter. I held the sherry and thought about returning it but that would mean I might have to see him and talk to him. I put the sherry in the fridge and tossed the sealed note aside. I still haven’t read it.

I sat down and my head raced. I thought my ‘no’ really meant ‘no.’ I was pissed that he violated me further by knocking on my door at 2am. I knew at that point that he would continue to press my boundaries if I didn’t put a stop to it. I just didn’t know exactly how.

Turns out this male guard went to other guards and begged them to deliver the box with the sherry inside and the note. He even put it in the official log book. This sealed his fate as now it’s properly logged that indeed a box was delivered by another guard at his request. What an idiot. His male privilege is so unconscious he actually put it in the fucking log book thinking that because he’s male, nobody will notice or question it. He thinks he can happily terrorize me within my own living space using the other guards to do it! I don’t fucking think so.

You see men, because of their male privilege, count on our silence. They intimidate and never take ‘no’ for an answer while they keep pressing our boundaries. Fuck, he even employed other to do this for him!

I decided this fucker is going to lose his job over this. Not only will he lose this job but he’ll have a very hard time getting another job in this industry. He’s fucked.

Was it worth it? I mean really? Thinking with your dick will get you in trouble but in men’s eyes they don’t often get in trouble because our society tolerates it. This is why men keep doing it.

I’m lucky I have the other female guard behind me. She also wrote a statement backing me up. When I met with her last night she said ‘I believe you.’

I told her everything. She encouraged me to report it and told me she was going to tell the property manager. She instructed me to write this all down and she’d deliver it to the property manager. I did exactly that.

I asked her what was going to happen after the note. She told me that this weekend the property manager will get the note and head office will be phoned immediately. The male guard will be put on suspension and an investigation will ensue. I will be interviewed early next week by phone and this guard will lose his job once I complete the interview.

I am still worried about potential backlash but the female guard assured me that he will be banned from entering the building.

Men need to learn what ‘no’ means. In this day and age it’s getting a bit easier for women to come forward when they’re being sexually harassed but it still isn’t great.

I’ve decided not to feel guilty about this asshole losing his job and his career. He did it to himself. If it wasn’t me it would’ve been another woman and hopefully now, there will never be another woman.

Maybe he’ll learn something. Then again he’s a bit older than I am and if he hasn’t learned by now I don’t know if he ever will.

I made the decision not to tolerate his behaviour, to make sure I’ve done my part so another woman doesn’t get sexually assaulted. I wouldn’t want this to happen to another woman.

I don’t feel safe in my own fucking home due to this asshole. In a couple days he’ll be suspended and I’ll feel better. Still, I can’t imagine why a man would do such stupid shit. It’s not like he doesn’t know this isn’t allowed. This is part of their training. I keep going over and over with that question in my mind.

Why? Why do something you know could get you ruined? It doesn’t make logical sense.

This will all be over soon. I’ll update if necessary.

Who Wants To Be Snow White?

Not I. Definitely not I.

I watched the movie ‘Snow White and the Huntsmen’ the other night. Even the title is creepy and as the title states, it’s about a man ‘hunting’ a woman. The movie is full of misogyny and follows a simple plot line that pits women against each other over men.

Beautiful queen has a beautiful Princess and then dies. King goes out looking for younger model Queen and finds one. New Queen kills King to have that evil feminist power which resents men choosing beautiful young women through strict adherence to Patriarchal gender roles. New evil queen locks step-daughter Princess away until just after puberty, when she’s ready to be fucked by men. The evil queen is never fucked by men and hence all that’s wrong with the world.

Princess escapes and runs into evil forest because since evil Queen has come into power all ‘nature’ is ruined.

Evil Queen employs downtrodden drunkard male whose wife was murdered to go hunt Princess in the evil dark forest. He finds her and the adventure begins because Princess wants Prince. Efforts and such. Huntsman brings Princess to Prince while subconsciously starts falling for her.

Princess dies and eventually gets awoken from death by Huntsman’s kiss and then kills evil bitch Queen. Peace ensues.

That’s it. That’s the great creativity of the 21st century.

There’s so much to discuss here but let’s start with the ‘beauty’ element which is what this male narrative is about. In the movie masculinity is constructed traditionally. Men want to fuck young looking women who are beautiful. This is why the King thinks with his dick and marries evil queen who understands men want beauty to the point where she murders other women to keep her looks but more importantly to gain power.

The whole setup is what we see today. Women do impossible, harmful things to themselves so they appear fuckable to men. In so doing, women have no way out because to stay beautiful she must harm other women. She must compete. Nothing much has changed. It’s the classic ‘girl fight’ over male attention.

It’s why there are things like the hashtag #WomenAgainstFeminism and female MRA’s. A few women side with men to garner the benefits of Patriarchy.

In the movie, there’s a colony of women living peacefully without threat from the evil queen. Do you know how they’re able to live? By scarring their faces so that the queen has no competition. If that isn’t a commentary on women’s liberation from gender then I don’t know what is.

I imagined living in that colony, away from the male gaze, how wonderful it would be but it gets ruined because the Huntsman brings the ‘pretty Princess’ there and the queen’s male army kills most of the female colony. Reminder: the second you try living without gender you will be destroyed. That totally sucked.

Then you’ve got the fucking up of nature. When the evil queen comes to power nature takes a dive into darkness. The metaphor of woman as nature is well documented in this movie. Nature is only beautiful when women adhere to male beauty standards, to gender.

Pretty princess trots around the land with lots of male dwarves, huntsman and Prince while the white stag bows to her. All males fall in love with the beautiful ‘ready to be fucked’ woman. Nature is supposed to be fuckable: to men. Men sure do love to fuck with and dominate nature and nature is a woman.

Meanwhile, nobody likes the evil feminist queen who represents the truth. She realizes men are foolish and weak and that the whole system revolves around their dicks. She resents men, rightfully so, but of course nothing will be right in the world until she’s killed and the hand who must hold the knife is another woman. All hail Patriarchy!

So the story ends with the young beautiful Princess murdering the truth, the woman who knew the game from the beginning. ‘You can’t take my heart,’ the younger woman says to the older one. What it really means is ‘you can’t take my gender role, bitch.’

If only the evil queen and the pretty princess got to spend some time away from the male gaze. Imagine the things they’d talk about! In the end I’d like to think they’d rule side by side after a solid week of consciousness raising. The pretty princess would realize that men are only after her because they want to fuck her and the evil queen would turn into an educatress for all women in the land.

Nature would be left alone by men and protected by women. Women would stop the earth from going to pieces under male rule as it’s doing right now.

I’m sure many a man enjoyed that movie of two women fighting each other over who’s fuckable and who isn’t. I’m sure they all thought of themselves as heroes when they’re really cowards who can’t handle truth and nature on its own terms.

Like the dwarves love of the princess, male MRA’s look up to feMRA’s like Karen Straugn as a sex object while calling feminists ‘ugly dykes.’ They don’t realize she’s not interested in them but I suppose it doesn’t matter when they can put a knife in her hand to wield against other women. I suppose that’s the supreme irony.

Female colony not submitting to gender and Patriarchy=destroyed. Woman who will be fuckable to men and lie to them=on a pedestal. The crone who knew the truth=exterminated.

This is how simple the whole 2 hour movie was. The fact that our culture is still relying on those silly tropes means radical feminism has to become louder and more accessible.

I do have hope that we are achieving this. The London Feminist gathering shows some promise and I’m told Gail Dines made a big imprint.

As I keep saying, in order to solve a problem we have to name the problem. Male violence against women is achieved through many avenues and I think gender is the symbol of this.

Gender or ‘femininity’ is what holds us back. Women who cater to male standards which there are two: fuckable or invisible, support the idea that there are only two ways to be viewed in the world. Neither of them are healthy. Women are either hypersexualized/pornified or silenced. We only exist as a fucktoy not even for our own pleasure or we are nothing.

There are many ways to bring gender to its death. Many women choose to live in a female-centric culture. Women like myself have chosen that. Others choose to live genderless and refuse to conform to it. I remember what it was like to be fuckable in the male gaze. I much rather like my status now as a middle aged woman. I don’t have to deal with so much male attention and I purposely don’t wear makeup in my day to day life for that reason.

I’ve conducted my own experiments where sometimes I put on makeup. I get inordinate amounts of male harassment. I’ve decided that I’m safer walking around without makeup and tight jeans. I wear a simple knee length skirt (black) with a black leather fringe coat and maybe some day I can afford some black riding boots. Hell, I’m a motorcycle maven who rides with no man. I almost bought my own Harley Sportster but that’s a story for another time. That was the 80’s.

Anywho, what do the rest of my blog audience think about gender expression? Have you done experiments like me? Where do you think you exist in the male gaze? Fuckable or invisible? What do you think are ways to eliminate gender? How was the feminine gender role enforced on you while you were developing into women?